Free Craving by Omar Manejwala Page A

psychoanalysts, therapists, and psychiatrists have often noted that, without the truth, little progress can be achieved. And in Twelve Step groups, a frequently heard adage is “Your secrets keep you sick.” In my experience, these observations are very true. The more you can illuminate these hidden aspects of yourself in a safe, trusting relationship, the easier it will be for you to surrender and step off the craving cycle.
    The journey of becoming free from cravings requires change and growth. Certain aspects of yourself you cannot know right now, and your friends and trusted loved ones can’t see them either. These are elements of yourself that may become uncovered over time, as you grow and learn more about who you are. That’s what the fourth quadrant of the Johari window, the “unknown” quadrant, is all about. The Johari window offers an invitation to discover, explore, change, and ultimately grow. In my experience working with addicts, as you do you will learn things about yourself that you couldn’t imagine when you began. You will grow emotionally and react to life in a more mature and fulfilling manner.
    Perhaps the most important role that the Johari window can play in combating the naïve perception of immunity is to awaken you to the idea that you really may not know enough about yourself and your cravings to prevent you from acting out on them. I’m not trying to be pessimistic or crush hope, but experience confirms that it’s often when you think you’ve got it all figured out that you are most vulnerable and most at risk. If you can broaden your perspective enough to see that you might need help from others, then you can begin to develop some resiliency against being tricked yet again by your cravings.
    The Risks That Accompany Success
    It’s worth mentioning that you’re actually most at risk of the naïve perception of immunity when things are going well. For example, consider the alcoholic who has been sober for three months and is about to relapse by taking her first drink in ninety days. At the moment, things are going great. She has never felt better. She’s so glad she’s finally licked the alcohol problem. She’s been rehired at her job, and her marriage and family life have improved as well. She is even getting back on the beam financially. If you were to do a physical exam on her, you’d find she is in great shape. Her blood pressure is finally normal, and if you took a breathalyzer reading at that moment, it would read 0.000, just as it has every day for the last ninety days. She is sober, and by all outward appearances, she is doing great.
    However, if you could read her mind, you would find that it tells a different story. In her mind are a variety of thoughts placing her at extreme risk of taking that first drink (and the ones that inevitably follow) and ruining her sobriety. For some people the thought might be “I’m finally okay; I’ve proven I don’t need alcohol.” For others it could be “I don’t care—I deserve a drink.” Other lies that your brain can generate may involve a desire to celebrate, commiserate, take the edge off, “prove” that you don’t really have a drinking problem, or confirm that you had been overreacting to the problem. These types of lies can come in every form you could imagine, and then some. Often they occur after a period of success or when things are calm. On the other hand, they may occur in response to stress. These thoughts can even be so subtle that you don’t notice them. The one thing they have in common is that they serve to convince you to take the first drink (or that first cigarette, or that first piece of cheesecake, or whatever your craving is). And that’s the naïve perception of immunity.
    One particularly dangerous idea that sometimes develops in people who are about to relapse and give in to their cravings is the sense that if they can just learn enough or acquire enough information, they’ll be able to fix their