Free Hollywood Scream Play by Josie Brown Page A

summer.”
    She’s got a point there. We may have been on a resort called Fantasy Island, but that tropical paradise was anything but fun and games. Jack and I were almost killed—he, by pygmies, and me, by a cannibal serial killer. Did I mention I was almost sold into slavery? Some vacation. No five-star Expedia review there.
    Then we came home to a few intense weeks of guarding presidential candidates. Despite keeping them alive, we couldn’t keep their campaigns from imploding in one scandal after another. As it turns out, the top contender—my old high school frenemy, Catherine Martin—didn’t win after all. It may have had something to do with the hit she put out on her own husband. Go figure.
    She is now in prison. Mary stays in touch with her teenage son, Evan, who is finishing his junior year back in DC. Having been there when his life was destroyed by the loss of both his parents has made Mary quite introspective these days.
    All the more reason she can’t lose Jack or me right now.
    So I put on my best Mary Poppins happy face. “First stop, the mall,” I say brightly. “We’re meeting the boys there, to take in a family movie.”
    Here’s hoping there’s not a SWAT team waiting for us when we get there.

    We pull up to the rendezvous spot—in front of the Hilldale Mall Cineplex to discover that the boys are already there.
    By boys, I mean Jack and Jeff—and surprise, surprise, Jeff’s two besties, Cheever Bing and Morton Smith.
    Seeing them, I don’t know who groans the loudest—Mary, Trisha, or me.
    “I thought you said this was going to be a family outing,” Mary grumbles.
    “I’m just as surprised to see the Two Stooges as you are.” I slip Trisha out of her seat belt and booster seat. “Take your sister inside to the movie snack bar, while I see why we’re being made to suffer.”
    Slapping Cheever on the back of the head, Morton shouts, “Last one in is a rotten egg.”
    Cheever grabs Morton in a headlock and smacks him with a noogie. “What are you talking about? The only one who smells as if he crapped in his pants is you!”
    Jack is quite adept at reading the look on my face. “Look, before you blame me for this, let’s just say that it was easier to dodge the NSA agents by having all three boys with me. The last place they were staking out was the carpool lane. Besides, had I left Cheever and Morton at the school without a ride, we’d have more to worry about from mommy dearest, Penelope Bing, than any NSA agents.”
    Aw, heck, I forgot it was our afternoon to carpool. “Okay, so now what do we do with them? If we cross the border, it’s kidnapping!”
    “After the movie, we’ll toss them out of the car in front of their homes. In the meantime, they’ll keep the others occupied while we figure out what’s happening.” He pulls out his cell. “I’ll try to reach Ryan while you go in there and try to keep the peace.”
    If only the roles were reversed—for the kids’ sake, not mine. If Cheever and Morton start their shenanigans during the film, there won’t be any “happily ever after” ending.

    The snack bar line is snaking through the lobby. The hold-up is Cheever. I can barely see his head over the humongous bag of popcorn in his arms.
    “Mommy, is Cheever going to share with us?” Trisha asks.
    Cheever finds this idea so ludicrous that he doubles over in laughter. This causes him to tilt his Giganta-Gulp drink cup. The seven candy bars slip out of his hands, too. I catch them before he drops everything. The last thing I need is to have him begin his trip to bountiful all over again.
    “This is enough food for a small third-world country,” I admonish him.
    “That’s because Mr. Stone says he’s treating.” He nods towards the register. “So, pay the cashier, okay?”
    “That would mean taking out a small loan,” I grumble, but I do as I’m told.
    I’m about to follow Trisha into the theater showing the latest gem from Pixar when I notice the boys