Free The Secret Daughter by Kelly Rimmer Page A

only out of the corner of my eye, though, because I still did not look away from Mum.
    ‘Mum . . . did you . . . did you take me away from her?’ It took me several breaths to get the entire sentence out, and then once I’d said it, I held my breath. Another tear ran down Mum’s cheek, and I heard the sob that she tried to muffle.
    ‘It wasn’t like that,’ she whispered.
    ‘Well, what was it like?’
    ‘No, I did not takeyou, or force her to give you up. But yes, Sabina, I was a part of the system that did. Is that what you wanted to hear me to say?’
    ‘I want you to be honest about all of this, Mum,’ I was pleading now. ‘ How can you not know what her name was? Do you really expect me to believe that you have no further information, other than her age? That I can never know anything about the woman who carried and gave birth to me?’
    ‘We’d just love to tell you who she was, or how to find her, and to help you facilitate a beautiful reunion where you could lament all of the things that were lacking in your upbringing.’ Dad’s words were delivered with that strange, stiff awkwardness that seemed to linger around this subject. The song of our family conversation was now entirely staccato, jarring and abrupt, and I desperately missed the rhythm we’d once shared. ‘We just can’t .’
    ‘Is that what you think this is about?’ Now I looked to him, incredulity colouring my tone. Dad was insecure, about me? The thought was mind boggling, and I didn’t know how to begin to tell him how crazy he was being. ‘The only thing lacking in my upbringing, Dad, was honesty. I’m not looking to replace you or even to supplement you – I just need to understand . If you could give me her name, or something about her circumstance, or if you could really tell me why you kept this a secret for so long . . . it would just help me so much.’
    ‘We’ve told you everything we know, Sabina. We’ve explained this as well as we can.’ Dad’s words were calm now, but he was still standing by the door, and as he spoke he offered me a heavy shrug. ‘Beyond that, we can’t tell you anything further.’
    I sighed and rose, and Mum shot me a panicked glance and reached to catch my hand.
    ‘Where are you going?’
    ‘I can’t sit here and talk around in circles with you. You’re either ready to tell me the truth, or you aren’t.’
    ‘That is the truth, Sabina. There’s really nothing more to say. Please, stay and we can talk about something else.’
    ‘I-I’m pregnant , Mum,’ I whispered, and I was so frustrated that I clenched my fists in her vague direction. ‘I’m about to become a mother . I’m going to spend the next seven months carrying this baby, getting ready to bring it into the world. I don’t want to spend that time wondering about the woman who carried me, and what became of her. I want to deal with this and process it and get on with the business of being happy before my own baby comes. Can’t you understand that? We can’t talk about something else. If you guys can’t talk to me openly about this, I don’t think I want to talk to you at all right now.’
    I waited a moment, and when neither of my parents spoke, walked from the room and down the long hallway back to the front door. Mum was silent, although she followed me all the way, hanging a few steps behind. I paused at the doorstep.
    ‘Please, Mum. Think about it. I’m not even sure I want to track her down. I just want the chance to decide for myself.’
    She was staring at the floor in her lobby.
    Again I waited, and again she failed to be moved even a little by my pleading and so I left. As I drove home, I thought about the values they’d raised me to be loyal to. Truth, integrity, honesty – honesty almost above all else, to the point that I struggled to keep secrets even as an adult.
    Clearly those things had meant nothing to Mum and Dad, or perhaps they’d been overcompensating because of the dark history of our family