Free Carry Me Home (The Home Series: Book Three) by Megan Nugen Isbell Page B

and ask him why he’d come over. “Was this what you wanted to talk about, my parents’ love lives?”
    His grin vanished and I saw the tension return to his face.  His eyes went to the ground for a few moments before finally meeting my gaze. 
    “After seeing you last night…” he began and then paused before continuing. “I just felt like we needed to talk.”
    Watching him stand there, so calm and collected, deciding now we needed to talk, nearly four years after he hadn’t given me that option, made me angry and frustrated.  Angry that he’d come back, making me question everything I’d worked so hard to forget, and frustrated he thought he had anything to say to me.
    “What do you want to talk about?” I asked, keeping my emotions in check.
    He sat down on the edge of the creek, resting his elbows on his propped up knees.  I sat down next to him, pulling on the grass beside me as I waited for him to begin.
    “I just wanted to talk to you.  I wanted to see that you’re okay.”
    “Of course I’m okay,” I said, surprised by the bitterness in my voice. “Did you expect me not to be okay?”
    “I don’t know what I expected.  I guess I just wanted to see for myself that you’re happy.”
    “Well, take a good look then.”
    I saw his eyes glance over to me and I felt bad for snapping at him, but I couldn’t help it. 
    “I want you to know I never wanted to hurt you,” he continued and I couldn’t bite my tongue any longer.
    “Why are you here, Jesse?  What are you trying to do?” I demanded.
    “Nothing.  I’m not trying to do anything, besides make sure you’re okay.”
    “How can you tell me you never wanted to hurt me?  How am I supposed to react?  Nod and smile and say it’s alright?”
    “I don’t expect you to react anyway but the way you want to,” he said, his voice low and gentle, the way it always was.  I knew he wouldn’t bait me or try to defend what had happened between us.  He’d let me yell and scream or cry if that’s what I needed to do, because that’s just the way Jesse had always been. 
    “I don’t even know what to say to you .  I never expected to see you again.  There was so much I wanted to say to you after you left, but when I realized you planned never to talk to me again, I knew I’d never get the chance, and now that you’re back, I don’t know if I have anything to say to you.”
    “I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk to me, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Riley.  More sorry than you could ever know.”
    His words echoed in my ears.  Two words that were meant to heal, instead wounded me even more.  Sitting beside him again made me realize the hole he’d created when he left had never healed.  It had merely scabbed over and hearing those words from him that told me he still cared, even after all this time, caused the scab to rip open and the wound felt as fresh as the day I read the letter that told me we were done. 
    “You’re sorry?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “You’re kidding me, right?”
    “No, I’m not kidding.  I am sorry.”
    “You break up with me…in a note…after you left for boot camp…after you joined the Marines without even telling me…after changing all of our plans and all you can say is you’re sorry?” I was trying to control the quivering of my voice as I told myself it shouldn’t matter.  Jesse hadn’t been part of my life in nearly four years.  I’d moved on.  I was in love with someone else, but if it didn’t matter to me, why was my heart crushing again?
    “Of course it’s not all I can say, but it’s all I can think to say because I can’t stand the thought of you hating me.  I already hate myself enough for what I did to you.”
    “I don’t hate you.  I never hated you,” I said softly. “But…I…I…just,” I stammered as I tried to ask the one question I wanted to know. “I just nee d to know why you did it, Jesse.”
    He sighed deeply