Free Naw Much of a Talker by Pedro Lenz Page A

ahd nowt tae dae wi it. Gross believed me but. He believed me.
    And did ye naw like?
    Furfucksake, Uli, ye testin ma fuckin nerves or whit? Ah didnae, naw, an’ ah widnae eether.
    An’ whit wis Gross sayin? Who done it if it wisnae you?
    Whit wis he supposed tae say? That he wis keepin a closer eye oan this wan or that wan? D’ye think the drugs squad’s goney haun me aw its intelligence oan a plate or whit? Dont
fuckin rile me, Uli. Dont fuckin go there.
    Ahm sorry, Goalie.
    It’s awright.
    Ah stayed anither fifteen minutes mibbe. Thought aboot how odd it wis, a hospital like this, a place like this, makin folk well again so they can get hame ASAP an’ catch
new illnesses an’ hiv new accidents an’ so oan an’ so oan an’ it nivver endin. We aw die at some point anyhoo. Then the next loat come alang – Mother Nature sees tae
that – wi their appendicitis, slipped discs, heart attacks, hepatitis etc. Naw that we’re intristit in any ae that: we’re deid eftir aw, as deid as ye can be, i.e. definitively,
probably, even if ye kin hardly start tae imagine whit that involves. That’s the only reason aw they religions exist. An’ guys like Stofer – who wonder whit’s behind it aw,
behind life, an’ cannae accept it’s mibbe absolutely nuthin that comes next, i.e. a vacuum, eternal fuck-aw, a big black hole.
    Take that fuckin face aff, Goalie. Folk’ll think yiv grief at hame.
    It’s awright. Ah wis jist thinkin aboot whit ahv still tae dae an’ that. Ah’ll need tae be goin. Ah’ll be back but.
    Kin ye see if there’s anyone in the corridor who kid get me a coffee?
    Yeah. Ah’ll look an’ see. Bye, mate.
    Fur the next few oors ah wis full ae go, strangely. Wis almost as if ahd inherited a hoose in Spain masel.
    Ah imagined whit like it wid be tae be sittin doon there, oot in the heat, in wan ae they white linen suits that lets the air in aboot ye, wi a panama hat on yir heid an’ a glass ae dry
sherry in yir haun an’ a few olives as ye relax in wan ae they basket chairs ye sometimes see in they brochures, or in photies ae the holiday hoose ae some rich cunt. Imagine jist sittin
there, in the shade ae a veranda. Nae stress. Imagine jist bein there, enjoyin the warmth an’ watchin the sun tracin its arc, an’ that’s aw yiv tae dae. Fuck, wouldn’t it be
great tae dae aw that again.

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    Sometimes, fur days oan end, ah cant get the bastarn Joke ootae ma heid.
    Why ah got the jail, ah hardly know masel, actually. Regula’s naw the only wan who asks. Sorry but: how ahm ah supposed tae explain it, if ah cannae explain it masel?
    It wis aw pretty complicated back then. That kinda thing nearly always is. An’ that’s whit the judges nivver seem tae grasp – tae want tae grasp – an’ if they dae,
they ignore it.
    It wis tae dae wi money, quite a loatae money. An’ quite a loatae junk they claimed belanged tae me, that didnae but. It wis also tae dae wi a trip ah played a role in – true –
a very diffrint yin but fae the role that judge in Aarwangen decided, in the end, ahd played.
    It wis Uli, actually, who dug ma grave fur me. He wantit me tae go an’ collect a friend ae his in ma old banger. Guy’d be waitin in Pontarlier fur me, at the foot ae the Jura.
    How dis he naw jist take a train, this friend.
    He’s nae money.
    Aha. An’ how wis he, Uli, naw goin tae collect him himsel?
    Nae time.
    Aha. Is there summit naw kosher aboot this?
    Mibbe summit wisnae wan hunner percent kosher aboot it – ah kid be right there.
    Did he naw mind me sayin wance that ahd dae ma thing an’ he’d dae his an’ it wis better if they stayed separate?
    Aye, an’ that wis right enough, normally. But if ah did him this favour but an’ drove tae Pontarlier an’ brought this friend hame, there’d be summit in it fur me. Five
thoosan. Cash. In ma haun.
    5k? That’s a loat. Such a loat, yir better naw askin too many questions. An’ it’s naw as if ahm askin any!
    So ah went an’ got him,