Free Surrender in Silk by Susan Mallery Page A

something. Jamie turned toward him, and a long, thick braid fell over her shoulder. The soft end brushed against the back of his hand.
    She stepped away, or so he thought. Then he realized the blurring was deepening and the walls of the plane were fading. His last conscious thought was that he was pleased she’d grown her hair back.
     

    Jamie brushed her bangs off her forehead, then let them flutter back into place. Winston stared at the letter, read it once quickly, then motioned for her to take a seat. She did so reluctantly.
    She’d never considered herself a coward, but right now she wanted to bolt from the room.
    Winston looked up at her. His pale eyes gave nothing away. “You’re sure about this?” he asked.
    She nodded. “I want to quit the agency.”
    “Just like that.”
    “You know I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”
    He dropped the letter on the desk. “Jamie, you’re the best female operative this agency has ever had. You’re number three in the overall ranking. You don’t get that high up in the standings without a hell of a lot of hard work. Now you’re telling me you want to walk away from it?”
    If she was number three, who were two and one? She had a feeling Zach took first place. He’d always been excellent. Funny, seven years ago Zach had warned her what would happen if she stayed with the agency. Now she faced that reality.
    “I’m not sure I can explain it to you,” she said.
    “Try.”
    She leaned back in the chair and rested her hands on her lap. Once the mission ended, she’d changed back into jeans and a sweatshirt. Nothing stylish, despite being in the nation’s capital.
    “I know eight different ways to kill a man. I shot one rescuing Zach.”
    “I know. I read it in the debriefing report.”
    “Did it mean anything?” she asked.
    “What? That soldier’s death?”
    She nodded.
    “No. Why should it?”
    “My point exactly.” She stared at him. “I killed someone. I took a life. Not my first, but certainly my last. I didn’t care when I shot him. I still don’t. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t continue to be a mindless killing machine. I’ve got to find out what it’s like to be a normal person. I want to knowhow it feels to wake up in the same bed every day. To have a routine. I’m a woman with all the working parts of every other female walking this planet, but I’ve ignored that side of myself for years. I want something different. I want to find balance. I don’t know if I can, but I have to try.”
    “There’s nothing I can say to change your mind?” he asked. “You’re not angling for a big raise?”
    For the first time since finding Zach, she smiled. “It’s not my style.”
    “You’re right, it’s not.” Winston picked up his pen and tapped it on the desk. “What will you do now?”
    “Go home. Recover. Think.”
    “You’re willing to walk away from everything you’ve trained for? You worked harder than any other operative, Jamie. This agency has meant a lot to you.”
    “I know.” She drew in a deep breath. “I’ve thought about this on and off for a couple of years. I have to do whatever it takes to find my way back. I don’t want to end up chained in a foreign prison like Zach.”
    “Zach lived.”
    “You didn’t see him there, Winston. I did. That’s no life. It’s just surviving. What price did he pay for that?”
    Winston glanced toward the window. Silence filled the room.
    “That’s what it comes down to,” she said. “No one knows the price. And I’m not willing to pay it anymore.”

Chapter 5

    Z ach listened to the steady drip-drip of the IV and tried not to think about anything but getting well. Even though he knew it was going to hurt, he shifted uncomfortably on the hospital bed. He’d spent three days drifting in and out of consciousness. Three days of people hovering over him, giving him injections, examining him—three days of slipping back into a drug-aided sleep.
    He knew it was three