drowned. A face in which these eyes, swimming in delirium, could find no shore, no respite, no rescue. And seeing that there was nothing to touch which was not reprehensible, the eyes, bright with despair, swam in place, sustained themselves at the surface of a turmoil of flesh, refused to sink, give in, and vanish. There was a spark of the last hope that, by swiveling this way or that, they might sight some peripheral rescue, some touch of self-beauty, some revelation that all was not as bad as it seemed. So the eyes floated, anchored in a red-hot lava of destroyed flesh, in a meltdown of genetics from which no soul, however brave, might survive. While all the while, the nostrils inhaled themselves and the wound of mouth cried Havoc, silently, and exhaled.
In that instant I saw Roy jerk forward, then back, as if he had been shot, and the swift, involuntary motion of his hand to his pocket.
Then, the strange ruined man was gone, the screen up in place, as Roys hand came out of his pocket with his small sketch pad and pencil and, still staring at the screen as if he could x-ray through it, never looking at his hand as it drew, Roy outlined the terror, the nightmare, the raw flesh of destruction and despair.
Like Doré, long before him, Roy had the swift exactitude, in his traveling, running, inking, sketching fingers, that required only a glance around at London crowds and then the turned faucet, the upside-down glass and funnel of memory, which spurted out his fingernails and flashed from his pencil as every eye, every nostril, every mouth, every jaw, every face, was printed out fresh and complete as from a stamped press. In ten seconds, Roys hand, like a spider plunged in boiling water, danced and scurried in epilepsies of remembrance and sketch. One moment, the pad was empty. The next, the Beast, not all of him, no, but most, was there!
Damn! murmured Roy, and threw down his pencil.
I looked at the Oriental screen and then down at the swift portrait.
What lay there was close to being a half-positive, half-negative scrawl of a horror briefly glimpsed.
I could not take my eyes away from Roys sketch, now that the Beast was hidden and the maitre d was taking orders from behind the screen.
Almost, whispered Roy. But not quite. Our search is over, junior.
No.
Yes.
For some reason I scrambled to my feet. Goodnight.
Where you going? Roy was stunned.
Home.
How you going to get there? Spend an hour on the bus? Sit-down. Roys hand ran across the pad.
Stop that, I said.
I might as well have fired off a gun in his face.
After weeks of waiting? Like hell. Whats got into you? ,
Im going to throw up.
Me, too. You think I like this? He thought about it. Yeah
Ill be sick, but this first. He added more nightmare and underlined the terror. Well?
Now Im really scared.
Think hes going to come out from behind the screen and get you?
Yes!
Sit down and eat your salad. You know how Hitchcock says, when he finishes having the artist draw the setups for the scenes, the film is finished? Our film is done.
This
finishes it. Its in the can.
How come I feel ashamed? I sat back down, heavily, and would not look at Roys pad.
Because youre not him and hes not you. Thank God and count his mercies. What if I tear this up and we leave? How many more months do we search to find something as sad, as terrible as this?
I swallowed hard. Never.
Right. This night wont come again. Now just sit still, eat, and wait.
Ill wait but I wont be still and Im going to be awfully sad.
Roy looked at me straight. See these eyes?
Yes.
What do you see?
Tears.
Which proves I care as much as you do, but cant help myself. Simmer down. Drink.
He poured more champagne.
It tastes awful, I said.
Roy drew and the face was there. It was a face that was in an entire stage of collapse; as if the