Free Jumper Cable by Piers Anthony Page A

bulb flashed over her head.
    “Unless what, you perverse t**se?” Haughty demanded.
    “I don’t think tease is a bad word,” Maeve murmured.
    “It depends who you are teasing, with what,” Phanta said. Jumper remembered how she had teased the innkeeper, and decided to untease him.
    “Unless someone
    doesn’t know he can help,” Olive said. “And
    maybe could be persuaded to help without knowing.”
    “He?” Haughty asked. “Who?”
    “Ian. The boy with the talent of pushing water away from his body.”
    “What good is that? He surely couldn’t push the whole moat out of its basin.”
    “He doesn’t need to. Let me talk to him.”
    But something was bothering Jumper. “It took two of us to get through the first Challenge. Maeve to distract the goblins, and Wenda to recognize and hurl the stink horn. If that’s a pattern, it will take two to get across the moat, and two more to handle the third Challenge. If Olive has figured out the key, we still need to select another person to work with the boy.”
    “Haughty,” Olive said promptly. “He likes her.”
    “Well I don’t like brat boys,” Haughty said. “Maybe we should wait until night and let Hottie tackle him.”
    “I think not,” Phanta said. “The Adult Conspiracy prevents.”
    “Oh, p**s on the Adult Conspiracy!”
    “Puns,” Maeve translated. “A truly vile concept.”
    Jumper wondered, as he had before, whether her translations were completely accurate. But probably it didn’t matter. It was the sentiment that counted.
    Haughty let her feathers settle back in place. “Exactly what do you have in mind, Olive?”
    “If he can repel water from his body, what would happen if he jumped in the moat?”
    “He would make a dent in it,” Haughty said. “So what?”
    “Suppose he walked through it?”
    “A traveling dent.”
    “Suppose he walked across it?”
    “It’s too deep in the center. The water would close over his head, forming a bubble.”
    “Or a tunnel, if the effect lingered,” Olive said. “One we might use.”
    Haughty reluctantly nodded. “But what could I do?”
    “You could charm him into doing it. He doesn’t need to know where he is going; you could encourage him step by step.”
    “But I don’t even like him!” Haughty protested. “I don’t like any boy.”
    “You don’t need to. What counts is that he likes you, and maybe will listen to you.”
    “I’d rather p**p on his head!”
    “Pulp,” Maeve murmured.
    “Try to restrain yourself,” Olive said, smiling. “You must be the sweetest, nicest, most encouraging harpy ever.”
    “Gah!”
    But the others were starting to see it. “It just might work,” Phanta said. “If the boy doesn’t know what we’re doing, he can’t be tardy or balky. If Haughty truly charms him.”
    They all looked at Haughty, who withered. “All right, d**n it! I’ll do it. But you’ll have to tell me how. It’s bad enough just looking nice, let alone acting nice. To a boy, yet.”
    They worked on it. “Smile at him every time you speak,” Phanta said. “Pretend you are absolutely fascinated by his every word.”
    “Keep facing him, and inhale often,” Wenda said. “Boys are knot supposed to notice, but they dew.”
    “When you feel like cursing, change to its opposite,” Maeve said.
    “And kiss him on the cheek, not the top of the head,” Olive said.
    “But mainly, express interest in his talent,” Jumper said. “Say you want to find out just how strong it is, because you’re sure it is better than he thinks it is, and maybe the two of you can prove it.”
    Haughty practiced smiling and reversing bleeps. “But I want you to know, this is very un-harpy,” she grumbled.
    “Remember,” Jumper said, “if this works, you will get the solution to your problem with Hottie. So it should be worth being un-harpy for a while, just as Maeve has to try to be un-maenad and I have to ignore how delicious all of you look, even when I’m hungry.”
    “Oh,