Free The Secret of the Shadow by Debbie Ford Page A

she used in order to avoid dealing with reality.
    This was a person who had read every self-help book that hit the best-seller list and attended every seminar that offered any promise of happiness. In her search she had gathered quite a collection of aphorisms that kept her from feeling the desperation of her situation. Here are some of the pearls of wisdom she used to feed herself hope: “It’s always darkest just before the dawn.”
    “What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.” “No pain, no gain.”
    “There’s a reason for everything.” “God doesn’t give me anything I can’t handle.” “It’s a process.” “Miracles can happen.” “The Universe is working through me.” “Let go and let God.” “It’s all an illusion.” “This too shall pass.” “There’s always someone worse off than me.” “Maintain an attitude of gratitude.” “Do what you 70
    w h y y o u h o l d o n t o y o u r s t o r y love and the money will follow.” “Things always work out for the best.” “What is, is, and what’s not, is not.” “Every cloud has a silver lining.” “The joy is in the journey.” “There’s gold in the dark.”
    “Time heals all wounds.” “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.”
    All this wisdom, which Margaret had spent years of her life collecting, had now become just another part of her story, just another attempt that didn’t work. Even though it’s been three years since we worked together, when I run into Margaret in town she still gives me poetic excuses for why things aren’t going her way and why she’s stuck. Because she is unwilling to face the underlying problems that keep her addicted to certain people and organizations, Margaret remains stuck in the same repetitive patterns she knows so well. She has convinced herself that this is the way God wants her life to be, and that if the Universe wanted more for her, somehow the doors would magically fly open.
    Instead of going inside herself and asking, “Is there something in me that is causing the same things to show up over and over again?” Margaret continues to cling desperately to hope, leaving everyone around her with the hopelessness of her life.
    I tell you Margaret’s story as a word of caution. If you’ve been stuck in a bad situation or a disempowering relationship for more than a year, do not allow your story to seduce you into thinking, “It will all work out for the best.” Because that is, after all, just another story.
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    T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w T h e G r e at At t e m p t
    Many of us have fallen into the never-ending trap of trying to fix our stories. Some of us have spent years of our lives and too much of our energy rewriting the plot or recasting the characters of our personal dramas, hoping to transform our lives and put our Shadow Boxes to rest. But no matter how hard we try to fix our stories, we continually wind up flattened by the limitations that our personal dramas hold in place. Although making some minor improve-ments will help us look and feel better, those moments of joy are short-lived. Unless we make the conscious decision to step outside the limitations of our stories, the temporary sense of freedom we feel after reading an inspirational book or listening to a motivational tape will be replaced by hopelessness and despair.
    Until we understand that the root of our problem is the mistaken belief that we are our stories, even the best Band-Aid is bound to fail.
    Recently, I met a beautiful young woman at one of my courses.
    I immediately noticed Caroline’s bouncy walk and cheerful personality. On all the breaks she walked by me, waited to get my attention, and then flashed me a big, beautiful smile. But by the second day of the process Caroline’s smile slowly began to fade and was replaced by a look of sadness, fear, and despair. Finally she approached me, asking if she could have a few minutes of my time.
    She asked me if I thought this seminar