Free stupid is forever by Miriam Defensor-Santiago Page A

still believe she won but was
cheated of the presidency in 1992. She lost one of only two
beloved children. But she never lost her sense of humor.
    Humor pushed Miriam the senator to help uncover the
biggest corruption scandal in our country’s political history.
In dealing with the plunder of billions of public funds, and in
standing by the rule of law in a highly politicized impeachment
process, she scolded: "What the ....?” later shortened to
"Wha’?”
    Miriam will go down in history not only as a laureate of the
Magsaysay Award for government service, or as the candidate
who never conceded defeat in a fraud-marred presidential
election, but as the soul who rises above it all by laughing at
human foibles.
    Her complete resume can be found at the end of this book.
    XII

Contents
3
    Wicked

    35
    Asukal Ka, Ako ay Sago

    45
    Death Threats for Breakfast!

    67
    Out-of-Notebook Experience

    93
    The Worst Thing About Being Married

    107
    Miriam on Miriam
    2
    4
    His (Miriam’s enemy) memory is in black and white.
    He (Miriam’s enemy) was a waiter at the Last Supper.
Politicians never get lost in thought,
because it’s unfamiliar territory.
    Brains aren’t everything. In the case of
Congress members, they’re nothing.
    Corrupt politicians would be different, if
they had enough oxygen at birth.
    Most people live and learn. Politicians just live.
    In the Senate, sometimes I debate with people who
don’t let the facts get in the way of their opinions,
as in the case of the Reproductive Health Bill.
    I want to work as a judge of the International
Criminal Court, because in Congress, the
mediocrity of some people is unparalleled.
    He (Filipino politician) is just not user-friendly.
    To politicians accused of plunder: As an outsider,
what do you think of the human race?
    Of her enemy: Googling him yielded no results.
    Of her pet peeve: He is so ugly he should donate his face
to the Parks and Wildlife Office in Quezon City.
    : Voltaire, I believe that the ideal form of government
is democracy tempered with assassination.

     
    I don’t mind dying for the Filipino youth and nation,
but I certainly don’t want to die for politicians.
     
    I agree with Mencken that democracy is a pathetic belief
in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
    The speeches of young, ambitious, apparently
corrupt politicians leave the impression of an army of
pompous phrases moving over the political landscape
in search of an idea. Sometimes these meandering
words would actually capture a straggling thought
and bear it triumphantly as a prisoner in their
midst, until it died of servitude and overwork.
This is how I feel when I watch these talkative,
pompous and empty young people answer media
questions during a live TV interview.
    On live TV interviews after a plenary session,
some Congress members look so blank, each one
of them looks like the guy in a science fiction
movie who is first to see the Creature.
    sometimes I meet my enemy in the Senate lounge
and would receive from him the sort of greetings
a corpse would give to an undertaker.
    Many senators like to deliver speeches in the
Senate — namely, privilege speeches, sponsorship
speeches, speeches of commendation. They speak
for hundreds of minutes and the visitors in the
gallery are able to detect only one argument.
    Someone working in the presidential staff in
Malacañang loves to appear on TV, looking very
much like a female llama surprised in her bath.
    Celebrities who act as poster boys for stem cell treatment
are bound to lose the temporary youthful look and then
each one becomes a triumph of the embalmer’s art.
    On her Magsaysay Award for Government Service: Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by
pygmies. Here are guidelines for bureaucrats:
When in charge, ponder.
    When in trouble, delegate.
    When in doubt, mumble.
    Of the crime of plunder: Nothing is politically
right which is morally wrong.
    Of the social event known as State of the Nation Address: Some women wear too