Free Relentless Pursuit: A Novel (Secrets of Roux River Bayou) by Kathy Herman Page B

for the best. The closer he got to the potential reunion, the more afraid he was of Shelby’s rejection. As determined as he was to earn her trust and forgiveness, he wasn’t sure he had the fortitude to push beyond her defenses if she had no interest in building a relationship.
    Coward. He had run once. Was he about to do it again? Was he still that spineless teenager at heart? Had guilt taught him nothing?
    He sighed. Why did he do this to himself? He had read enough about dysfunctional families to know that his self-recrimination was a black hole. So why did he fall back into it over and over again?
    Seven white ibis landed next to the pond and began foraging through the grass for insects and grasshoppers or whatever else suited their fancy. They seemed focused on feeding and oblivious to his presence, which was fine with him. He felt “tucked away” here. Invisible. With space to think, without the distractions of everyday life.
    Not that he minded playing gigs seven days a week for months on end. When he had too much time on his hands, his depression got unbearable. But his search for Shelby had come to a head, and it was the only thing that had kept him going for the past three years. If it ended badly, what else was there? He was either going to confront Shelby and work things out—or put an end to all of it.
    What purpose did he have for existing? He hadn’t made anyone happy. Certainly his ex-wives thought he was a loser.
    His playing with the Smooth Blues had been a contribution of sorts. Music helped make others happy. But if he were dead, the band would just replace him. There were plenty of saxophone players out there who could step into his shoes—younger guys with more talent and energy and a more positive outlook. The other musicians tolerated his mood swings, but none understood the desolation he lived with day in and day out. He almost envied the cyanide victims. At least death came quickly for them. He was dying one breath at a time.

Chapter 9
     
    Emily came in the service door at Zoe B’s, timed in, then hurried out to the dining room, concerned that she hadn’t heard from Chance.
    Zoe held her hand up and rushed over to her.
    “Thanks for dropping everything and coming in.” Zoe sounded out of breath. “Can you believe this crowd? I wonder if other restaurants are busy like this or if Jude only convinced them that Zoe B’s was safe.”
    Emily smiled. “I hope they’re all this busy. And I hope Vanessa and Ethan don’t keep getting cancellations. They really took a hit the last time a killer was on the loose.”
    “Don’t remind me.” Zoe swatted at a pesky fly that buzzed around her face. “Let’s hope this is short-lived and Jude gets to the bottom of it quickly.”
    “Maybe he already knows who did it,” Emily said. “I doubt he would volunteer anything to the media until they made an arrest. I know my mother wouldn’t.”
    “Oh that’s right.” Zoe arched her eyebrows. “You and Vanessa grew up around it, so I guess you’re pretty familiar with how the authorities do things.”
    “Kind of. Each case is different, and cops try to use the media to their advantage. They leak information they want the public to know and withhold information the public doesn’t need to know.”
    “So you’re saying Jude may have a suspect and not release that information?”
    Emily nodded. “Sure. He’ll tell the media if and when he thinks it’s in the public’s best interest to know. But he’s not going to jeopardize the investigation. Timing is important.”
    “Vanessa told me you’ve seen a lot in your young life.”
    “When I was nine, a gang member held a neighbor couple and me at gunpoint, hoping he could cut a deal. I really thought he was going to kill us.” Emily blinked away the memory. “And my mom was stalked by a man she put in prison. He tried to grab Vanessa, but she got away. The guy almost killed my mom.” Emily rubbed her arms. “It still gives me