Free The Ladies' Room by Carolyn Brown Page A

landing.
    Drew's face registered pure disgust. "What is that nitwit
doing here? Have you been. . " He narrowed his eyes at me.
"Trudy, what have you done? And what have you done to your
hair? You know I hate it short"
    I opened the front door and pointed.
    He stomped out onto the porch, and I followed.
    He opened his mouth, but I took off before he could say
anything. "Number one, don't you ever call Billy Lee Tucker a
nitwit or any other name again. He's got more integrity in one
toenail than you've got in your whole body. Number two, I'm working on remodeling this house to live in it. Number three,
I really don't care if you like my hair or not, Drew."

    It was his turn to shake a finger at me. "I'm going to have
you sent off to a mental institution. Are you shacking up with
the village idiot too?"
    I got so close to his nose that I had to look at him crosseyed. "What's it to you if I am? You're messing around with
the village bimbo. And you are not sending me anywhere. I'm
saner than I have been since the day I made the biggest mistake of my life and married you"
    "You mean you regret Crystal?" he snapped.
    "That is a stupid question! My only regret is that I cursed
her with a lying, cheating father."
    He glared at me. "You are as crazy as Gert. That was the
thing about you that worried my folks."
    "You should have listened to them. But Gert was a lot smarter
than me. She figured out the first year what kind of man she'd
married. I didn't figure out things until a couple of days ago, so
I haven't gotten a thing but a reputation for being a naive fool.
She got jewelry every time Lonnie had an affair. Your newest
toy has a brand-new Thunderbird. I didn't get one, did I?"
    He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. "I'd
say what you got out of the bank would compensate for anything I've done"
    If looks could kill, he wouldn't be anything but a greasy
spot on my rotting porch. "What I took amounts to five thousand dollars a year. I don't think that compensates for anything you've done"
    For the past three days I had been busy figuring out ways to
kill Drew. Now that he stood before me, merely arguing seemed
to be killing him quicker than a dose of rat poison or a bullet
between the eyes. He didn't have any idea how to fight with
his wife; but then, he'd had no experience. I'd never stood up to
him or called him names before. He was in brand-new territory
without a compass.
    He dropped his arms to his sides and hung his head. "I'm so
sorry, Trudy. I messed up bad. You are a good woman, Trudy.
Can't you forgive me for one little mistake?"

    He almost had me there for a minute-until I realized that
he was lying about the number of infidelities and that he
hadn't said anything about loving me. Had he ever?
    I shook my head. "The old Trudy was a good woman. I'm
not, and I will not forgive you"
    His tone went from warm to cold instantly. "Come on,
Trudy, be sensible. This fling was my first one," he lied. "It's a
male-menopause thing. I am past forty, and my life is slipping
away. I hate getting old. I'll buy you a new car tomorrow. So,
what do you say?" He touched my arm.
    Cockroaches crawling across my skin couldn't have been
more repulsive. I picked up his hand and removed it from my
arm.
    That's when he lost it. Daggers shot out of his eyes. His face
turned the color of day-old liver, and I thought for a minute he
was going to fall down on my porch and start slobbering. And
my cell phone was lying in a ditch, so I'd have to go inside to
call 911. Of course, I could sit down on the steps and see if
he came out of it on his own before I went inside the house and
called. But, dang it all, he started yelling again. Some days I
couldn't catch a lucky break.
    "I never wanted to marry you," he said icily.
    "I'll make it easy for you to be footloose and fancy-free,
then. Either you file for divorce, or I will."
    "The money you stole from me won't last you a lifetime,
and that nit ..