Free Leaping Beauty: And Other Animal Fairy Tales by Gregory Maguire, Chris L. Demarest Page B

penguins. “Whatever you do, don’t answer the door!”

    Just then there was a knock. “Who is it?” called the youngest penguin, looking through the French doors.

    “It’s me, old Doc Walrus,” said the walrus. “I’ve come to give you an examination.”

    “I’m fine,” said the youngest penguin. “Go away. I’m busy flossing my teeth.”

    “You look as if you have a fever. Your cheeks are cherry red.”

    “It’s a little blush. Arctic Evenings. Use a flesh-colored foundation and blend well. You should try some.”

    “Let me in and I will.”

    “But why are you carrying a meat cleaver and a hibachi?”

    “I’m delivering them to my granny, who is sick in bed. She’s fading fast. Little penguin, little penguin, let me come in.”

    “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.”

    “You haven’t got any hair on your chinny chin chin,” said the walrus.

    “Let me check the prop department and I’ll get back to you,” said the penguin. But by now the walrus had had enough. He was very hungry indeed. He found the blowtorch that the littlest penguin carelessly had left lying around outside. Then Doc Walrus aimed it at the dance studio made of carved ice.

    “I’ll have penguin patties before the night is out!” he cried, and turned on the blowtorch.

    Meanwhile, old Mama Penguin’s bad feeling about this whole business had only gotten stronger. She had turned around. She arrived at the front door of the dance studio just in time to see the walrus start to attack the building with fire.

    “Oh no, you don’t,” she yelled, and launched herself through the air.

    The walrus never knew what hit him. He was out cold, with little X ’s in his eyes and birdies tweeting over his head, just as in the cartoons.

    “My babies!” cried old Mama Penguin, calling them to her side.

    “Mama!” they said, clapping their flippers. They came sliding over the ice to her. “How did you ever knock out that old walrus?”

    “My blood isn’t as sluggish as all that ,” she said. “Besides, as the iceberg began to melt, I had to paddle it all the way home against the current. I built up my upper body muscles. A little exercise does wonders, my dears. But enough about me. Tell me this, my children. Has anyone left the oven on and burned up any houses lately?”

    The oldest penguin and the middle penguin hung their heads in shame. The youngest penguin said, “Look, Ma, I can do a split now,” and showed her how.

    “My baby,” said Mama Penguin fondly. “I guess I’ll have to move back in and do the cooking. Nobody touches the oven or I’ll spank you on your bottoms. Understood?”

    “Yes, Mama,” they said.

    They tied up the walrus with dental floss. When the seal with the bobsled came along, they piled the walrus on top and told the seal to take him away to the county jail. Then old Mama Penguin made some fish soup for dinner, and the oldest penguin and middle penguin told her how beautiful their houses had been.

    The youngest penguin worked on a new dance, called the Ice of Spring. It was intended to be danced, daringly, in the nude, but since penguins don’t usually wear clothes, nobody especially noticed the difference.

    CINDER-ELEPHANT

    I n a far-off land there lived a king and queen whose lives seemed perfect. They had a terrific castle filled with the latest conveniences. They had a royal box at the soccer matches.
    They had season tickets to the symphony. But none of this could make them happy.

    “If only I could have a child, my life would be fulfilled,” said the queen, sighing. “What good is a castle without the sound of children laughing with joy? What good is a royal box for the soccer games without the sound of children screaming with excitement? What good is a season ticket to the symphony without the sound of children snoring with boredom? Besides, all those violins, they make me feel seasick.”

    “You have been looking pale lately,” said the king. “You