Free Shadows in the Silence by Courtney Allison Moulton Page B

in 1928 at a party in Los Angeles. She had been seeing Ronan for a while and knew what he was. Their relationship was so interesting to me—I’d never known a demonic reaper to show any sort of affection toward a human. It was obvious he was crazy about her and the more the three of us went to social things together, the more Emelia and I became friends. Ronan made mistakes, though. He had a temper and a sharp tongue, as you must have noticed when you met him. I’d seen Emelia cry more times than I could count. When they split for good, she and I remained friends, and I fell for her hard. I was stupid for a blink of an eye. I should’ve known better.”
    “What do you mean?” I asked.
    “I was in deep, working for Bastian,” he said somberly. “I had to keep her secret, which I did for almost a year. I knew that if Bastian found out I’d been seeing a human girl…he’d have me flayed alive just to heal his own pride. Then the other demonic would eat her. They’d have taken her soul without a doubt. I should’ve walked away, but I didn’t. Ivar was the one who found me out. We’d had our fun together, but she was maniac. There are crazy girls, and there are crazy girls. I never got involved with her beyond anything physical, but she was just as jealous as she was insane. You saw her.”
    I did. When Cadan had met me at the library a few months ago and we’d talked for a while, Ivar had tried to rip me apart in the parking lot. Cadan had killed her whiledefending me and to protect the secret that he was helping me to stop Bastian.
    “Anyway,” Cadan continued, “Ivar followed Emelia after I left her one night and she killed her. I doubled back, but it was too late. I’d left her defenseless and Ivar hunted her down like a rabbit. Before Ivar could…take Emelia’s soul…I fought her. I beat her to hell but I couldn’t kill her. I couldn’t do it and I should have. Every day since I have regretted that.” He sucked in a heavy, trembling breath and his hands rolled into tight fists. “I just stared at her on the ground and then I took Emelia and left Ivar. I was stupid and a coward and just left her there. Alive .”
    I watched him as he suffered internally. His pain and regret was so clear over every inch of him that I felt terribly sad for what happened. “I’m sorry,” I said.
    He shook his head. “No. I’m the one who’s sorry. I hope I suffer for the rest of eternity for what I did to that girl. I knew—I knew —I never should’ve gotten involved with Emelia. I should’ve been more careful. But I’m selfish. Still am. As I am with you.”
    “It wasn’t your fault,” I assured him. “Ivar—”
    “Yeah, Ivar took her life, but I handed it to her.” He shook his head again, this time less angrily. “I’m so impulsive and completely aware of it. You remind me of Emelia a little. It’s your eyes and your big smile. She loved to go to parties and dance and have fun. Both of you are so bright and full of life. You scared me too. Still do.”
    “Good,” I said with a grin. “Then I’m doing my job right.”
    I was rewarded with a small smile. “I mean about the way you make me feel, how quickly what I felt reminded me of when I had Emelia. That night when Ivar attacked you, it was like a flashback from Hell. At least I finally found the courage to avenge Emelia. By killing Ivar, I’d broken myself from Bastian completely, my allegiance to him, and then I killed him too. How sad it is that by dealing death, I gained my freedom?”
    He gazed back up at the stars, the breeze blowing his hair a little. I hadn’t realized he hurt so much inside, that he felt so much guilt about serving Bastian and for Emelia’s death. The fire crackled in front of us, all heat and light and comfort. I rested my cheek on Cadan’s shoulder and rubbed his arm soothingly.
    “It’ll be okay,” I whispered, and took his hand in both of mine. There was nothing I could do to convince him that what