Free Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 by Maureen Page B

needle on the ground. I immediately panicked and
    went into a series of ‘what if’ thoughts.
    Following is the dialogue I had in my mind at that time:

    “Oh no, I wish I hadn’t seen that”
    “Mustn’t look at it as I might pick it up”
    “What if I pick it up”
    “What if I do something to my baby with it in an irrational
    moment”, as I imagined myself doing something terrible.
    “What if people knew what I was thinking. They might take
    my kids away from me”
    “What if I’m like those I see on the news”
    “What if I am like this forever and never recover”

    I am having heart palpitations by this time and have made
    myself scared to death

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    “What if they lock me up in a psychiatric ward and I never
    come out again”
    “What if I never see my kids again”
    “I am a waste of space and not fit to be a mother”

    Just look at my irrational thought pattern. I don’t remember
    the exact thoughts I had during this scenario, but they were
    in a similar vein to the ones I have mentioned and in fact lots
    of my thoughts contained elements of the above. What I
    should have said to myself (with a contemptuous response)
    when I saw that knitting needle was “What a load of rubbish,
    as if” and I should have walked on. This would have saved
    me from spiralling into what was a downward spiral of
    continual obsessive thoughts for the rest of the day and
    making myself utterly miserable.

    I suffered more with paranoid thinking than scary thoughts. I became
    a people pleaser, worried about what everyone thought about me. I
    may have said something to someone and then I would spend my
    day worrying about whether or not I had upset them. Again it was
    my anxious state making me think this way. I began to understand
    this and let these paranoid thoughts go. They were not real and so
    they were getting no respect from me. I stopped being a people
    pleaser, stopped worrying about what people thought and stopped
    worrying in case I had upset someone. I was back in control and not
    my anxious thinking. This helped me so much in the future and
    brought some much needed confidence back.

    Here is an email I received that I wanted to share with you, again
    from someone who suffered after her pregnancy.

    Hi Paul, I am suffering from post natal depression according
    to my doctors, but I don’t feel depressed. I feel anxious all
    the time, my head is racing with scary, irrational, bizarre
    thoughts and visions and I got so bad that I couldn’t be on
    my own with my children because the thoughts would always
    come and scare the hell out of me. Your site and your book,
    especially the section about obsessive thoughts, have helped
    me so much. I cried when I read it! I seriously thought I was

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    going mad or turning into a nasty person thinking such awful
    scary things about me and my loved ones. These frightening
    thoughts raced around my mind all day and the anxiety and
    panic would flare up as soon as I let a thought scare me.
    They are still there now and sometimes still do scare me a
    little as they seem to come from nowhere at times, but with
    your advice I am learning to just let them be and it has
    helped me so much. For once I can see light at the end of
    the tunnel. I no longer let a thought stop me doing
    something; in fact I go against them. If a silly, intrusive
    thought comes telling me not to do something, I do it all the
    more and I feel I am back in control. This has been a real
    insight to me and I can only thank you.

    My reply was:

    TRUST me with a capital T, that there is absolutely nothing wrong
    with you. This is very common with anxiety and it is all the hormones
    and stress that cause these thoughts. Anxiety just needs a release
    and this manifests itself in strange, scary thoughts. TRUST me
    100% and just do as you say. Smile at them if you wish. Say 'yes, as
    if' it’s just my anxiety finding an escape route. I had such thoughts
    and just paid them no respect. In time,