Free Elliot and the Goblin War by Jennifer A. Nielsen Page B

the wrong thing to say.
    Dear Boy Readers: When any girl asks you if she’s beautiful, it’s always a good idea to insist quickly that yes, she is, no matter what she looks like. Even if she has worms in her hair and only one tooth (that for some reason is polka-dotted), you should still find something nice to say about her. If you tell her that she is not pretty, then I hope your family has a bomb shelter in your backyard where you can live for several years, because that will be the only safe place you can hide from her and all of her friends.
    Agatha pointed a finger at Elliot. “I happen to be the most beautiful woman in all of everywhere. Since you can’t see that, I’ve decided to curse you.”
    Elliot took a step back. “That’s not very nice. Did you know I got a zero on my spelling test just to come help you?”
    “Quiet,” she hissed. “It’s hard to curse you when you’re talking. Here is the curse: I am a hag. My beauty is plain. Because you can’t see it. You’ll soon feel a brain.”
    Elliot blinked. “Eww. What brain?”
    “I think she meant you’ll soon feel pain, Your Highness,” Mr. Willimaker said. “One moment, Agatha.” Mr. Willimaker shut the door to the toilet stall and then pulled Elliot several steps away.
    “What’s a hag?” Elliot asked. “Why is she here?”
    Mr. Willimaker shook his head. “Actually, she’s a has-been hag. As you can tell from her curse, she’s sort of lost her touch.”
    “What does this have to do with me?”
    “She came to Burrowsville last night looking for a place to stay until she figures out how to get her cursing powers back. She keeps cursing all the Brownies, and it’s starting to upset them.”
    Elliot couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d agreed to get a zero on a spelling test because of a has-been hag who’d lost her powers of cursing? “Can’t you just send her away?” he asked.
    Mr. Willimaker bit his lip. “I had this idea, Your Highness. It’s probably a terrible one, because my ideas usually aren’t very good, but I thought maybe she could help us win the Goblin war.”
    “How?” Elliot demanded.
    “What if she does get her cursing powers back?” Mr. Willimaker asked.
    Elliot grinned. “And then she curses the Goblins?”
    Mr. Willimaker nodded. “Exactly. But we have to find a place for her to stay in the meantime.”
    Elliot opened the bathroom stall again and held out a hand for her to shake. “We started out badly, Agatha. My name is Elliot.”
    She took his hand and shook it and then quickly pulled his hand to her mouth and bit his finger.
    “Ow!” Elliot pulled his hand away. “What was that for?”
    “I cursed you to feel pain,” Agatha said. “Look, it already happened.”
    Elliot almost smiled. “Only because you bit me. If you make it happen, then it’s not a real curse.”
    “It was a real pain, though.” Then tears formed in Agatha’s eyes. “Oh, you’re right. What kind of a hag am I if I can’t even curse a human child?”
    “I’m sure you’re a very good hag. Maybe you’re just tired.” Elliot rubbed his bit finger but stopped as he heard a voice in the hallway. Someone was coming into the bathroom. He shoved Mr. Willimaker into Agatha’s stall and hissed, “Keep her quiet!”
    He slammed the stall door closed.
    Tubs! Of course, it had to be Tubs who came in.
    Tubs’s eyes narrowed. “What are you doing in here, Penster? I told you this was my bathroom.”
    Elliot shrugged. “I checked for your name on the bathroom door. It said ‘boys’ bathroom.’ Since your name isn’t ‘boys,’ I thought it’d be okay.”
    Tubs ran that idea through his mind. About halfway through it got lost in empty space, so Tubs let it drop.
    “Move,” Tubs said. “I want to use that stall.”
    Elliot kept his back firmly against the stall door. “It’s for people who need it. Use a different one.”
    “I don’t want a different one. I like a stall with a lot of space.”
    Elliot’s