Free Patchouli For Christmas by Bren Christopher Page B

least for a little while, then he would risk the rejection.
    There was certainly no doubt that Jude had made him happy. Made him laugh. Made him burn with desire every time he thought of their night together, which was far too often, and at the most inopportune times. He could only hope he hadn’t blown his chance.
    Michael made his rounds through the penthouse, making sure everything was running smoothly while he kept an eye open for Jude.
    No sign of him until Michael paused by the patio doors. Few guests braved the damp, chilly air outside for more than a minute—just time to take in the spectacular New York skyline or catch a quick smoke. But Jude stood by the fire pit, leaning one hip against a wrought iron patio table as he stared into the flames.
    Michael stepped out and shut the doors behind him to keep out the cold breeze. Even through the closed doors, he heard the soft strains of a violin now playing Silent Night.
    Jude wore a black pullover sweater, which seemed inadequate against the cool evening. The fire gave some heat, but Jude hugged himself as if chilled.
    Michael started to reach for him and then paused. “Jude? Are you cold?”
    Jude straightened and looked up. “I’m fine.” He turned to face Michael, gazing at him solemnly. He appeared to be waiting for something.
    For what? Don’t be a dumbass, Michael . Jude wasn’t going to make it easy, but at least he hadn’t just glared at him and gone back inside.
    Michael cleared his throat, but the words seemed to be stuck. Maybe if he didn’t have to look into those big brown eyes while he talked? Michael slipped his arms around Jude, pressing his hands into the small of his back. Jude didn’t move away, but he didn’t relax into Michael’s embrace either. Holding him still felt wonderful. Michael pulled him close and laid his cheek against Jude’s hair. He took a deep breath and then let it out with a sigh.
    Then he realized why Jude smelled so good. He’d abandoned his patchouli.
    And Michael had left his leather jacket at home. Ah, compromise. The heart of any…uh… relationship . There. He’d said it, if only to himself.
    He stroked Jude’s hair and then brushed it away from his face. After kissing the tender spot under his ear, he rained little kisses down Jude’s neck. He felt some of the tension leave Jude’s body.
    Jude arched his neck to expose more of his skin to Michael’s caresses. “That’s not going to work every time, you know.”
    “It’s not?” Wait. Did that mean Michael would have more chances to act like an idiot with Jude? Some weird constriction in his chest that he hadn’t even known was there eased a little. “Then what will?” He thought he should ask in order to plan for future dumbass episodes.
    He released his hold and started to draw away, but Jude snapped, “I didn’t say you could stop.”
    “Okay then.” Michael pulled him close again and nuzzled his neck.
    “This part is good, but there has to be more.” Jude slowly stroked Michael’s back.
    “Tell me. I want to do whatever you want, I swear. But I don’t know what that is.”
    “I want to know why. When you left my place, you seemed happy. Why did you break our date?”
    “Um…because I’m an idiot?”
    No answer. Not good enough then.
    Michael swallowed. His voice came out in a whisper. “Because I was scared. I had just left Lauren when I called you. She was so hurt. Doug was so hurt. I was afraid I would do that to you. To us. If not today, then someday.” He mumbled it into Jude’s hair. “I’m sorry.”
    Jude sighed. “We barely know each other, and you’ve already got us married and divorced. Don’t you think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself?”
    Well, when he put it that way… “I guess.”
    “I’d like to get to know you better. If you feel the same, then that’s all we need right now.”
    “I’ll never treat you like that again, baby.” Michael surprised himself by using the endearment, but it came