hand and fought to get himself under control. The pain in his chest—it felt like his heart was breaking. He’d never known how literal that could be.
Alex, I’m so sorry. I know I fucked up, but it can’t be this bad. Please.
He suddenly remembered that Amy said she’d try to get Alex to e-mail him. In a flash, Luke was on his feet. He splashed cold water on his face and went back to his desk, looking down to use his long hair as camouflage. He woke up his monitor.
There was an e-mail from Alex.
Luke,
You were really nice to me, and you never promised me anything. I wish I could just take it for what it is and enjoy it. But I fell for you so hard. So damned hard, Luke. I just loved everything about you. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again, be the only one invested, let someone make me feel not good enough. It hurts too much. I don’t blame you. The stupid thing is, I want the best for you and I know that’s not me. I wish we could remain friends, but it would be better for me to try to forget you.
Alex
Luke read it three times. As it sank in, something cleared in his mind, and he saw how bad things must have looked to Alex. They’d rarely gone out. It was always dark by the time he was off work and he just wanted to hang out. The one time they’d gone to the movie theater he’d pulled away from Alex’s touch. He hadn’t been willing to say “I love you.” He hadn’t wanted to introduce Alex to his family. He’d been running away ever since the Halloween party. He hadn’t meant to push Alex away. He’d just wanted to go slower, that was all. He’d damn well wanted to be sure before making any promises.
He wasn’t afraid to be the guy dating the guy in the wheelchair, Luke realized. But he had been afraid that one day he’d turn out to be the asshole who’d dumped the guy in the wheelchair and broke his heart. He didn’t want to be that guy. As a result, he’d only forced that outcome anyway.
He was an idiot. Hadn’t he been sure, really, since the moment Alex had opened his front door and said hello? Since the first time Alex had lain down on his couch and pulled Luke into his arms? Hadn’t they been in love from the very start? And look at Alex now. Luke had been so worried about protecting him, but Alex was standing up for himself. He was being the strong one. Fuck you, Schumaker. I’m worth more than that.
Luke wanted to laugh and sob at the same time. Good for him. Because Alex was. Dammit, Alex was fucking worth everything , and he should have made sure Alex knew that every goddamn day. Alex’s mind, his eyes, his lips, his cock, his beautiful smile, his laugh, his bravery, his heart…. Those were the things that mattered, the things it would kill Luke to live without.
The chair and all that went with it? That was just logistics.
M ARCO looked up as Luke approached his desk. “What’s up with you, Dude?” Marco asked, grimacing at Luke’s reddened eyes. Marco was a six-foot-one gay Japanese-American programmer with the most expressive face Luke had ever seen. He was also one of Luke’s best friends.
“I’m an ass.” Luke smiled, warm and happy.
“Uh… okay.” Marco shrugged, with an expression that said Luke was crazy, but he was used to it.
“Hey, didn’t you once tell me you’d made a text adventure engine in college?”
“Yeah! If you’re interested I have this great desert island game I made. Your plane crashes and you—”
“I need to make a little text adventure, and I need it fast. Will you help?”
Marco made a face. “Brian’s already got me maxed out, man. You know that.”
“How ’bout six hours of work wins a thousand dollar gift certificate for Steam?”
“Dude!” Marco grinned.
A LEX was working on a crossword puzzle at Amy’s dining room table on December 15th when she handed him a DVD in a jewel case. On the face of it, in blue permanent marker, was written “The Adventure of the Three