Free Mr. Hollywood (Celebrity #1) by Lacey Weatherford Page B

continuing
to probe for answers to my damaged psyche.
    “ Actually,
we never did — at least not officially. I had
hoped to bring her to LA with me when I first moved out here, but I got drunk
one night and cheated. After that, I couldn ’ t
bring myself to face her. Instead, I waited for her to get ahold of me again,
but she never did. I ’ ve since discovered that she walked
in on me while I was with someone else. She just left — didn ’ t
confront me about it. I never knew why she disappeared, only my own part in it. ”
    “ So
this happened a long time ago? Haven ’ t you been in Hollywood for quite a
while? ”
    “ Yeah,
ten years. She was my high school girlfriend. ” There
he went with that damn pen of his again. I sure wished I could see what he was
writing.
    “ Was
sex with her also your first time? ”
    That was funny. “ Oh, hell no. I ’ ve been sexually active since I was
fourteen. ”
    “ And
have you had any other meaningful relationships before or since then? ”
    Quickly, I thought back over the last several years
and the people I ’ d been with. “ I ’ ve
dated one woman more seriously than others, but never with the intent that the
relationship was going anywhere. Mostly it was just because I liked to pass the
time with her. She was comfortable — easy to talk to — most of the time. ”
    “ So
you ’ ve never met anyone else who meant
as much to you as your old girlfriend? ”
    “ Not
even close. ” It was incredible how much
pain those words revealed. Regret laced through me, making me feel tied up in
knots. I wanted to suppress the feelings inside me and make them go away.
    “ How
do you feel about this girl now when you think about her? ” The questions were getting harder,
but I was up for it. Somehow, talking about Aubrey was easing some of the
frustration from our encounter.
    “ Honestly,
she turns me inside out. I feel terrible about hurting her, but there ’ s no way for me to make it up to
her. How do you take back being unfaithful to someone you love? ”
    “ Are
you still in love with her? ”
    “ I
am. ” Wow. I didn ’ t even hesitate.
    “ Have
you seen her since you split? ”
    “ Not
really. I just barely discovered — like two days ago — she ’ s
living here in LA. I had no idea. ”
    “ If
you had the chance to make things square with her as part of your recovery,
would you want to? ”
    “ Absolutely!
One hundred percent — no question. ” I ’ d
do anything to not see the pain in her beautiful hazel eyes staring at me from
her lovely face.
    “ What
was your substance abuse history like while you were with her? ”
    “ Pretty
much nonexistent, except for alcohol at parties on weekends and maybe some
marijuana occasionally. Normal teenage party behavior. ”
    “ When
did you start getting more involved with substances, then? ”
    “ Not
too long after I cheated on her. Someone at a photo shoot offered me something.
I was feeling guilty and wanted to numb the pain, so I took it. I didn ’ t use super often in the beginning,
but it slowly escalated from there. ”
    “ So
would you say your guilt from cheating on her was one of your initial triggers
to use? ” He was writing like a fiend now. I
tried not to let it bother me.
    “ I
guess I would. ” It was kind of ironic that
this might actually all lead back to my initial mistake. Had I really been self-medicating
all this time as a way to forget about Aubrey? If so, I was seriously messed in
the head, and a complete jerk to boot.
    “ I
think you may need to try to make things right with this girl. While I ’ m not necessarily advocating a
rekindling of the relationship right now, since we don ’ t encourage that for people who are
in rehab, I do think maybe clearing the air with her would help you with one of
your triggers. How do you feel about that? ”
    “ Actually,
I completely agree and had already made up my mind to do so. ”
    “ Good.
Later on, when we get you more squared