Free Carbs & Cadavers by J. B. Stanley Page B

and desperately punched the E6 buttons until the splendid thumping sound announced the arrival of a precious parcel of cheese puffs.
    “It’s just a snack-size bag,” James muttered aloud defensively to the vacant lobby. Slipping outside, he sat down on the front steps and, heedless of the cold, devoured the bag in under a minute. He felt an incredible sense of elation from having granted himself his favorite treat. He crunched blissfully, examining the blazing colors on the maple and oak trees dotting the library parking lot. The contents of the bag disappeared all too soon. James stared longingly at the bottom of the bag and then wadded up the evidence, stuffed it in the lobby trash can, and was just about to suck the orange dust from his fingertips when Francis came outside.
    Without thinking, James frantically wiped his hands on the back of his pants as Francis leaned on the stair railing and blinked in the face of daylight like a bat.
    “Nice day, huh?” Francis asked, his breath hanging in the air like wet lace.
    James agreed, rubbing off more orange dust stuck between his thumb and index fingers.
    “Do you remember the Halloween Carnival from when you lived here?” Francis asked nervously.
    “Sure,” James replied. “All the local businesses can enter a float for a chance to win a cash prize.”
    Francis shuffled his feet. “Mrs. Kramer never let us build one. She said we didn’t have funds for it in the budget, even though Scott and I came up with a design that would only cost three hundred dollars to build.”
    James smiled. “So you two want to enter a float in this year’s parade?”
    “Yes, Professor, we sure do.”
    “Let me review the budget for this month, but I’m sure we can come up with a few hundred dollars. I think it would be great to have the library represented.”
    “We have a drawing.” Francis held out a rolled piece of paper.
    James examined the drawing with a smile. “This is great. Are you certain that you two can build this on your own?”
    Francis looked sheepish. “We started it last year, hoping we could change Mrs. Kramer’s mind. We just need to add on some final touches, like special effects. Thanks, Professor! I can’t wait to tell Scott!” Francis bounded up the steps and went inside. A few seconds later, James followed.
    At lunch, he stared at his chef’s salad, suddenly feeling guilty about cheating.
    “You’re really sticking to it, Professor,” Francis said as he came into the kitchen. He folded his long, lanky form into the chair across from James and began to eat one of his three peanut butter and banana sandwiches while reading the latest paperback release by Piers Anthony. James was still unenthusiastically picking at his salad when Scott arrived and switched places with Francis, who had consumed his entire meal within five or six minutes. Scott ate two salami and cheese sandwiches, a bag of pretzel twists, and a jelly donut while speed-reading the October issue of Popular Mechanics .
    Midway through his donut, Scott wiped his sugar-speckled lips with a napkin and then exclaimed. “Sorry, Professor Henry! I didn’t mean to eat this kind of stuff in front of you.”
    “Don’t worry, Scott.” James sighed. “Just be glad you have the metabolism of a goat.”
    Scott guffawed. “’Cause their stomachs have four chambers. Good one!” He cocked his head to the side and then said, “But hummingbirds have the fastest metabolism of all animals. I wouldn’t want that, though, as you’d have no time for anything except for eating.” The phone in James’s office began to ring.
    “Sounds good to me,” James murmured crossly and got up to answer the phone. It was Lucy.
    “James? Do you have a second?” she asked hopefully.
    The black cloud that had been orbiting James’s head disappeared with a poof. “Of course,” he answered brightly. “What can I do for you?”
    “The lab results came back,” Lucy paused and took a deep breath. “I kind of