Free Breathless by Lurlene McDaniel Page A

hums, and Darla’s arms make me feel safe. I didn’t intend to tell her, but the words slip out, a confession from my soul to my soul mate. She doesn’t freak out. She listens, smoothing my hair, which is regrowing for the third time since my diagnosis. I feel dampness on my chest. “Don’t cry,” I tell her. “This is good. It’s my choice. It’s what I want.”
    “I knew something was going on inside you. Emily thinks so too. You can’t fool girls who love you.” She doesn’t stop crying. “What about what I want? I want you. For as long as possible.”
    “My latest labs aren’t good, baby. My doc keeps trying, though.” My whole chest is sore and raw from where the shunt is inserted for the toxic drugs. “I’m slipping no matter what he does. One day they’ll rush me to the hospital and I’ll be hooked up to machines that will keep me alive longer than I need to be. I don’t want to go out that way.” I kiss her forehead. “I’m tired. I hurt all the time.”
    Now that Darla knows, I feel freer, like a weight’s been lifted. “I just want control of my life again. Tell me you understand.”
    She nods, but the tears don’t stop. “When?”
    “Soon.” I fudge my answer.
    “You’ll tell me before, won’t you? I—I won’t have to hear it from your family?”
    “I’ll tell you.”
    “Cooper knows, doesn’t he?”
    “And you. That’s all.”
    “You should tell your sister.”
    “Fat chance. She’ll tell Mom and Dad.”
    “I’m not so sure. I think she’d understand.”
    “I can’t argue with her. I don’t have the energy for it. It’s just better that she not know.”
    Darla raises her head and looks up at me. Hertears have made tracks down her pretty face. “Will it hurt?”
    It takes me a second to figure out what she’s asking. “No. It won’t hurt. I’ll make it simple.”
    “And you’re not scared?”
    A hard question, so I take a while to answer. “I was twelve the first time I climbed up on the platform and looked down. Me and my friends were at the city pool, and they were all daring me to go up and jump off. They thought I’d chicken out. I climbed to the top and looked over the edge, and my heart was going a million miles an hour. I wasn’t scared. All I wanted to do was fly And I went off the edge and it was magic. Just me and the air singing past me. I felt like an arrow. I got lucky when I hit the water, because I didn’t break any bones. I touched the bottom of the pool and kicked back up feeling like a million bucks. Couldn’t hear anything except my own heart beating like a drum.
    “Later, Cooper told me the lifeguard was blowing his whistle and screaming because no one under fourteen was supposed to dive from the platform. I was banned from the pool for the rest of the summer, but I knew I’d found my life’spurpose. Swim club, the swim team, summers at the lake were for one purpose. I wanted to be the best diver in the state, and someday maybe the best in the country.”
    I flip Darla’s bangs from her forehead, stroke her cheek. “So no, I’m not afraid. Just me and the water. The way I’ve always wanted it to be.”
    My parents sit me down and tell me what they think is good news. Mom says, “I’m taking you to Switzerland. You’ve been admitted into an experimental testing program. It lasts six months and shows a lot of promise for stubborn cases like yours.”
    She and Dad look at me like I’m supposed to be delirious with joy. “Why?”
    “Because it has the potential to turn things around for you,” Mom says. “You and I will go together and we’ll get an apartment close to the hospital where the program is in place.”
    I’ll be leaving my friends and Darla behind. All things familiar and necessary. “I don’t want to live in Switzerland.”
    “Don’t be foolish, son,” Dad says. “Your mother’s moved heaven and earth to get youaccepted. This is a real shot for another remission. Dr. Wolfsen agrees.”
    What will