Free Rhubarb by M. H. van Keuren Page A

“You’re sticking with this
rhubarb pie alibi?”
    “I’m hanging up now,” said Martin. And he did.
     
    ~ * * * ~
     
    “Now, Lee, we hear a lot about the physical evidence: the
interlaced but undamaged stalks, the lack of tracks leading in and out of the
sites, the magnetic resonance, as well as the frequent reports of aerial
lights, but for me, the most compelling part is the obvious communication
inherent in all crop circles. Each holds such precision, such insistence, such
a lack of subtlety, that it’s impossible that they have no purpose.”
    “Are there commonalities to suggest that all these
occurrences are linked?”
    “Many commonalities. I’ve studied hundreds of circles in
dozens of countries. It appears that the physical process that creates them is
similar everywhere. And we see many recurring graphic motifs, if not nearly
identical designs.”
    “In your books and on your website, you come down firmly on
the side of what you term ‘purposeful instigation,’ that they are made by an
intelligence. How do you respond to those who suggest that crop circles have
natural origins? Particularly Diderot’s equations that suggest localized
crystallization of water vapor?”
    “Diderot’s fractal weather theory is, in my opinion, deeply
flawed. He based his theory off observation of early morning frost crystals at
very few sites. It doesn’t hold up. I debated him about this issue a few months
ago in Brisbane.”
    “If there’s a video of that debate, we’ll get a link up on
wakernation.com. Let’s take a call. Sarasota Springs, you’re Beyond Insomnia.”
    “Oh, hi. Lee? This is Vern from Sarasota Springs.”
    “Welcome, Vern. What’s your question for Tom Burlingame?”
    “Yeah. These crop circles freak me out, man. I agree with
you totally. I mean, they’re so clearly, I mean, aliens are totally trying to
tell us something. Have you ever talked to anyone at the NSA where they got all
them really smart code-breakers? Seems like they should stop listening to all
our phone calls and figure out these messages instead. Sure be a better use of
my tax dollars.”
    “Thank you, Vern. Tom, what about using technology to
decipher the circles?”
    “It’s clearly the goal, but we’re still a few years away.
I’ve been writing program algorithms to analyze the data. Many of these
patterns are so complex that it’s going to take significant supercomputer time
to sort it all out.”
    “Best guess, Tom: Who is sending these messages, and what are
they saying?”
    “Who? Good question. But we can make a few observations.
They are mathematically oriented, and communicative, but also very shy. The
meaning of individual circles may be elusive, but the overall message is, I
think, one of peace. The designs are so beautiful. The messengers certainly
understand that we appreciate beauty. If the messages were warnings or threats,
I think we could discern that from the context. Someone out there is not only
saying hello, but telling us that we belong with a larger community.”
    “A wonderful thought. I hope you’re right. Can you stay with
us through the break and take a few more calls?”
    “Certainly, but if a report comes in, I may need to leave.
The time window for study on circle phenomena is very small.”
    “We all understand. Stay up with us through this short
commercial break, Insomniacs. We’ll be right back.”
     
    ~ * * * ~
     
    Martin’s phone waited on the hotel room desk next to the
most precious piece of paper he had ever held. Nothing else, not his birth
certificate, not his first driver’s license, not his passport, had come close.
It held all the promise of an unsigned Declaration of Independence, an
unblessed Magna Carta, a ticket that matched the Powerball. The phone’s dark
screen reflected the desk lamp’s bulb like a single eye.
    What’s the problem here? Pick me up and dial, it
seemed to say.
    What if she gave me the number of the Chinese takeout place
in