Free True Porn Clerk Stories by Ali Davis Page B

streak I never knew I had.
     
    It started with just a nearly two-hour Aqua block at the beginning of my shift. Then I dug out the Right Said Fred CD. Right Said Fred are those British weightlifter/musicians who did "I'm Too Sexy," though if you ask me, the best cut on the album is the magically bouncy "Don't Talk Just Kiss."
     
    That was an excellent three-hour set (OK, yes, that's cruel and unusual. But damn it, if you're looking at porn for three CDs worth of time you've got to be prepared to take the consequences.), but recently I've started mixing it up. I'll play two of the three, then slip in a CD of something other people actually like and then go back to the dance music. I stun them with two quick jabs and then make them wait for the haymaker.
     
    Again, my primary purpose is not to torture my customers. It just happens to work out really well that way. (Actually, they don't all hate it. Every now and then I'll catch someone dancing on the security monitor, which pleases me to no end. One guy who was all alone started doing the Bus Stop.)
     
    I'm still closeted about it with the other clerks. I tend to time the more socially acceptable music for when my relief comes in. I don't know what I'll do when they discover me. Run into the swamps, I guess, and spend the rest of my life in hiding, quietly humming "We Are the Cartoon Heroes".
     
    I don't know when it will end. I can pull an opener without caffeine, but not without Aqua.
                           

 
    Women Who Aren't on the Boxes
     
    Today was a banner day, of sorts. Four women went into the porn section. They went down in pairs, a couple of hours apart.
     
    Two were straight girls out for an afternoon who went down to browse. They had shopping bags with them, and seemed like they pretty much just wanted to see what it looked like. They just sort of wandered around a bit, keeping their distance from the shelves except for the occasional swoop in to look, and then left without getting anything. (The store is a bit notorious in the neighborhood and people do sometimes just wander in to see that, yup, there's porn, and then leave.)
     
    The other two were a lesbian couple. They were there with more purpose. One came up to the counter and asked if we had lesbian porn, then they both went downstairs to look. They scoped the place out pretty thoroughly, made a couple of selections, then came up and set up a membership. I was glad they found something they liked. While we do have lesbian porn, we don't really have porn that's aimed at lesbians. I'm not sure how to back up that statement. Arguably, hot chicks having sex with each other is aimed at much at lesbians as at straight men... only it isn't. It's just the feel of the thing - a general "Hey, fellas! Getta load of this!" vibe.
     
    Maybe I'm imagining it, but I don't think so. We don't get much repeat lesbian business. In fact, there's only one I've seen who has ever come back, and her visits are months apart. I just don't think there's much here for her.
     
    Anyway, I was surprised at the sudden surge of female traffic. I can go for weeks on end without seeing a woman down there at all.
     
    I know there is porn aimed at women in the world, but we don't really carry it. I try my best to help steer the women who do come in towards something they'll like, which is difficult. For one thing, porn is a pretty personal choice, and for another, I don't actually know that much about it. The last thing I want to do at the end of my shift is check out a little porn. (This is true of the guys too, actually, and sometimes it freaks them out. To be a 20-year-old male and numbed out to porn is, apparently, a scary thing.)
     
    In the interest of good clerking, I did finally ask my manager and learned to steer my straight female customers towards Wicked Video stuff, which have budgets and stories and nobody gets called a dumb cunt on the box copy.
     
    I think I'm a pretty good guide. The women who