Free The Only Boy For Me by Gil McNeil Page A

entire brain. When I get home, Edna is dozing by the fire. She’s remembered to put the outside lights on, so I don’t fall into the flowerbed when I get out of the car, like I usually do. It’s the perfect end to a long day, and she says Charlie was an angel, which I know is a downright lie but nevertheless very nice to hear. The video has worked and she’s thrilled. I decide not to tell her that she’s taped the wrong channel.
    The sausage rolls are a huge hit next morning, and inevitably Charlie is desperate to eat one for breakfast.
    ‘Mummy, don’t you think sausage rolls are brilliant?’
    ‘Marvellous.’
    ‘Yes, and whoever thought of them deserves a medal, don’t you think?’
    ‘Yes. Now hurry up and put your socks on or we’ll be late.’
    ‘Can you get a medal for things like sausage rolls?’
    ‘Charlie, I don’t know, put your socks on.’
    ‘Alright, alright, there’s no need to shout. I was just asking. Honestly, you need to relax more, you know, Mummy.’
    He gives me an angelic smile, and I’m strongly tempted to put a sausage roll up his nose.
    ‘I love you, Mummy. Can there be sausage rolls for tea as well?’
    ‘Yes, Charlie, I expect there can.’
    I’ve booked a hair appointment for Charlie in honour of Leila’s visit, and have promised him lunch at Pizza Express in an attempt to convince him it is actually possible to leave the house on Saturday morning without watching the entire range of children’s cartoon programmes. He’s unconvinced, but relents when I say he can also have ice-cream for pudding. The hairdresser, Tracy, is very sweet and asks Charlie what kind of haircut he would like.
    ‘I want deadlocks – they’re very trendy, you know.’
    Tracy is not quite sure what deadlocks are, but if he means dreadlocks his hair is not quite long enough.
    ‘OK, but not too short because my ears get very cold, you know.’
    She busies herself snipping away, and I begin reading a chapter from
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Last time we came I forgot to bring a book, and we ended up playing I Spy for what seemed like hours. Charlie won with a word beginning with F, which worried me a lot so I insisted we went into whispering mode, and the answer turned out to be Fat Lady. So a book is a much safer option. I’ve nearly finished the chapter when Tracy announces his haircut is done, but would I mind reading to the end of the chapter because it’s such a lovely story, and isn’t the SnowQueen a cow. I finish off the chapter while Tracy very slowly brushes imaginary hair off his neck.
    Leila arrives early the next morning, and says Charlie’s haircut is the most stylish thing she’s ever seen, and we drive into Whitstable. As soon as we get out of the car, Charlie hurtles off towards the sea, and manages to get thoroughly soaked within five minutes. I’ve got a spare set of clothes for him in the car but timing is crucial: if I change him too early he’ll soak the new clothes before we get into the restaurant for lunch, and if we hang about too long he’ll get hypothermia. His legs are already pale mauve. Leila and I sit gossiping on the pebbles, which are incredibly uncomfortable after about two minutes, though undeniably picturesque. Leila is wearing various shades of cream, with marvellous pink sandals that look very delicate. She can’t actually walk in the sandals, but she doesn’t care because they’re so pretty. I quite agree, and want a pair myself.
    Leila’s new man is shaping up very nicely. He’s single, with no obvious psychological disorders, not married, no extra-curricular children, and he earns a fortune. He is also fantastic in bed, and does a very clever trick with his tongue. He works in the City but is not boring, according to Leila. I can well believe it if the trick with his tongue is not something he saves for special occasions only. He’s called James, which Charlie says is a very good name, just like his best friend. Leila thinks this is an