Free Entangled by Ginger Voight Page B

after which Max attempted to play his father’s guitar. I knew Jonathan watched our interaction carefully, so I was stiff in Alex’s arms as he skillfully led me through another two-step to his son’s out-of-tune plucking.
    Alex was quiet as he led me around the concrete patio, and his eyes were unreadable. His hands were strong as he guided me, never encroaching on my precious bubble space. Had it been Drew, I would have been pulled up against his rigid body, the contours of which as strong as his will. With Alex, however, he held me only with his eyes.
    Oddly enough, he was just as commanding.
    When the song ended (i.e. Max grew bored with playing,) Alex and I stepped apart awkwardly. I saw Jonathan study us from under his unruly dark hair that had begun to grow over his striking eyes. I had all my excuses prepared. Alex was just a friend, and barely that. I had no plans to get involved with anyone, much less the brother of the last man who had betrayed me so cruelly. It was just a dance; it meant nothing.
    But each argument felt like a watered down excuse to cover up something more, although I really didn’t know what else I could be hiding. Maybe I felt guilt by association. I knew Jonathan scrutinized our every move, likely reading between the lines a message that wasn’t even there. Of course my first impulse was to defend myself, and what little honor I had left after what had happened with Drew.
    He said nothing, however, and the kids quickly dispersed to play a video game once Alex put away his guitar. I insisted that Millicent leave the kitchen to me, and that was where Alex found me a little while later when I was wiping down the countertops.
    He said nothing as he pulled tea from the cabinet. He put water in the pot and prepared his cup, all without a word. Finally, surprisingly, he said, “You know, I’ve been thinking about Drew’s party. I don’t think I should go.”
    My eyes darted to his. “Why not?”
    He shrugged as he looked away. “It just seems like a bad idea all the way around.”
    I put the cleaning supplies away under the sink. “That’s certainly your choice,” I said. “Jonathan will be disappointed, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It’ll probably do him a world of good to find out he can’t always get what he wants.”
    I turned to leave. His words stopped me. “And what do you want, Rachel?”
    I glanced back at where he stood, leaning one hip against the counter. “What do you mean?”
    “You said Jonathan would be disappointed if I don’t go. Is he the only one?”
    I closed my eyes briefly to pray for strength. I couldn’t keep going through this again and again. “Alex…,” I started.
    He waved his hand. “Forget I said anything.” He turned back to prepare his tea. I took a deep breath and walked over to where he stood.
    “What do you want me to say, Alex?”
    His voice was quiet. “That you don’t miss him. That you don’t think about him. That you don’t wish things could have been different and you were there with him instead of here with me.” His eyes met mine. “You know he’s going to paint you right back into another corner. He’s going to dangle Jonathan in front of you like a carrot on a stick to make you do what he wants you to do. Tell me that you’re over him… that it won’t matter what he says or what he does.”
    I struggled for something to say. I wished I could make those promises to him, but I couldn’t even make them to myself. I said as much to Alex. “Would if I could. But I’m not wired that way. Whatever you think of me, then or now, I really did fall in love with him.”
    He was clearly disheartened by the news. “I know,” he finally admitted.
    “But I’m not going for Drew,” I reiterated. “And no matter what he says or what he does, I’m not going to walk into another buzz saw. The blinders are off. I know he never cared about me, no matter what happened between us in the past. And no doubt he’ll have