Free Blackouts and Breakdowns by Mark Brennan Rosenberg Page A

really want to do is move into customer service. I think I am a people person. Don’t you?”
    I thought he was joking, but wasn’t sure so I just didn’t answer.
    “What do you do?” James asked.
    “Oh, I work for Tom and Michael.”
    “Who?”
    The bartender came back with our drinks. She sat the cosmopolitan I ordered in front of me and I grasped it. I put it to my lips and chugged as much as I could without looking like a complete alcoholic. When the bartender walked away, James pulled me close to him and whispered in me ear: “Let’s get her fired.”
    “What?” I said as I pulled away from him, “why would we do that?”
    “Because she was giving me attitude.”
    “Dude, you ordered a cran-apple juice. This is a bar, not the elementary school cafeteria. I would have given you attitude if you asked me for that.”
    “Whatever, I think she was being rude.”
    I couldn’t take it anymore. I excused myself for a second and walked outside to smoke a quick cigarette and call Tom. Had Tom and Michael gone completely insane? Certainly James and I were not a good fit. How could we be? He was a total mess. I picked up my cell and dialed Tom’s number, but it went straight to voicemail.
    “Damn it Tom!” I yelled into his voicemail box. “What the hell is wrong with you? Is this some sort of joke? I cannot believe that you set me up with this reject. I am going to kill you! ” I dragged the remains of my cigarette and walked back into the bar. I sat down next to James and he looked at me as if I had just told him he had cancer and was going to die by the end of our meeting.
    “Those people,” James said as he glanced behind him and gestured to the people sitting at the table against the wall. “Those people were eavesdropping on our conversation.”
    “What conversation? I just stepped outside,” I replied.
    “Before you left, I mean,” he replied.
    “I don’t think so, and who cares anyway? We weren’t talking about anything important.”
    “Excuse me!” James said as he got up from his stool and walked toward the couple sitting at the table against the wall. “Is there something I can help you with?”
    “What are you talking about?” the woman said.
    “You were eavesdropping on our conversation,” James said.
    “No, we weren’t,” the woman, replied.
    “Yes, you were. I don’t appreciate it either. My friend and I were having a private conversation and I would really like it if you didn’t listen in.”
    I sat on my bar stool and was more embarrassed than I had even been in my life. Between the juice and blowing up at the bartender and the patrons of the bar, I was beginning to question just how desperate I really was. Why had I sat through this nightmare of a date for as long as I had? I got up from my barstool and grabbed James.
    “James,” I said trying my best to look sick, “I am really not feeling well all of the sudden. I need to go.”
    “Why?” he asked, “I thought we were having a really nice time.”
    “Well…” I said, “It’s just suddenly, I feel ill.” I was going to be sick if I have to continue on with this date.
    “Please stay,” he said.
    I felt bad for the guy. He was just so utterly clueless.
    “I am sorry,” I said, “but I really need to go…now.”
    “Please stay,” he asked again.
    I gestured toward the bartender to come over so I could pay my check and get the hell out of there as soon as possible, but she was ignoring me. Perhaps we should have gotten her fired after all. James continued begging me to stay until I finally slapped a twenty-dollar bill on the bar, clutched the martini glass and knocked the remains of my cosmopolitan into my mouth. I slammed the martini glass down on the bar and turned around to leave.
    As I was walking out the door, James asked me again, “Mark, are you sure you want to leave?”
    “YES!” I yelled.
    “Well, that’s a shame,” James said. “Because if you had stayed for four more minutes, you would