Free Following Your Heart by Jerry S. Eicher Page B

people, and from those who were weak among his own people. But he had not been known as a weak man. And yet he had been.
    Yah , but there was forgiveness. There had to be. There was forgiveness for every other sin known to mankind. Even for murder, and he had not murdered. Pulling his thoughts back to the visiting minister, Menno kept his eyes on the man’s face. What a gut job the minister was doing this morning. They could use new voices like him, speaking to them from time to time, warning against sin, and making valiant efforts to hold back the temptations of the world.
    Moments later Menno’s eyes wandered toward Teresa’s baby again. Why should he be thinking of the baby now, or of Teresa? They had been here all week, had they not? Was it coming into the Lord’s presence on His day that was causing this? Was the fear of Da Hah awakening what had been dead for so long?
    Yet he had been coming in the Lord’s presence for all these years, and there had not been this problem in his heart. No doubt the decision had been correct in keeping Teresa away from the gatherings. Look at what just having her child with them had brought into his heart. Perhaps it would be best if even the child were kept away. But such a thing seemed so wrong and would never be agreed to anyway. There were limits to where Bishop Henry would allow this to go.
    Menno pressed his eyes together, rubbing them. Somehow he would have to live through this, but how? The emotions rose like a mighty wave in his chest, threatening to show on his face. That awful moment from the past rose up to stare into his eyes. He had sinned greatly. What if Anna knew? Or his daughters? Or Deacon Ray? It was too painful to consider.
    But the child he had fathered so long ago had not lived. The Englisha girl had assured him herself. There was nothing for him to worry about, she had said. She had lost the child before it ever moved inside of her.
    He had come home to the community from his service in the St. Louis Hospital, thankful that he was spared the worst of his sin. He was thankful to be accepted again by his people without anyone finding him out. He was thankful Da Hah was gracious and slow to anger. He had meant the girl no harm. And she had also been willing, had she not?
    Perhaps he should have confessed to Old Bishop Bender back then, but it had seemed unnecessary since the child had not been born. And few questions were asked of Amish boys returning from their alternative military service. Was it not enough that they had withstood the temptations of joining the wars of the world and served in hospitals instead?
    The pain of her beauty stabbed at Menno even now. Yah , she had been beautiful. A sheer vision of glory in her white uniform and short skirt. How he had longed for her, after growing up around girls and women wearing dark colors and long dresses. Could he be blamed for having fallen hard? Yah , he could…But he had repented, had he not?
    Few people at the hospital had known he was Amish. He wore the same garb the other laundry people did, so there was really nothing to give him away unless it was his accent. That had been hard to conceal, as it had been for the other men who grew up speaking Pennsylvania Dutch.
    An Amish man from Iowa worked at the hospital in the same department but on another shift. Here and there among the vast hospital were other Amish boys, but only one from his home community. Benny John Ray—known as Deacon Ray now. And he had never found out. Menno had made sure of that. And even if Benny had, there was a code of silence they kept among themselves about their time in the city. Were they not all aware of how hard the world was pulling on their hearts? So they freely granted each other the forgiveness they desired themselves. Was such forgiveness not Da Hah ’s way? He sighed as his thoughts went back in time.
    The woman came past his station often before he dared speak to her. He practiced English for