Free All Balls and Glitter by Craig Revel Horwood Page A

in our underwear – and then I lost the next game and had to be the first to get naked.
    Eric then removed all his clothes too and began to masturbate. I was in such a nervous state that I couldn’t get an erection, but I was so highly charged that when he touched me, I prematurely ejaculated. That was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was mortified beyond belief. He said it was OK and then, on my recovery, we were at it all night. On the stairs, the couch, the floor, the bed – all over his parents’ home. It was amazing! I was in love!
    I fell madly and deeply, only to discover that he and Mr X had something going on. That was the end of us. I’d wanted Eric and me to be exclusive. In truth, I felt totally betrayed by the both of them, and the thought of Eric with Mr X made me sick to my stomach. I felt stupid, used and worthless.
    Although I’d known that Eric was bisexual and could cope with him being with girls, the idea of him with Mr X was somehow a different matter. I think I felt that his sleeping with women would be all right because I believed that, in contrast, what we had was special, untouchable, unconditional love, both sharing a deep dark secret. With hindsight, that perceived clandestinity probably made our relationship that much more exciting.
    It was my first experience of heartbreak and I became quite bitter about it. Little did I know that by no means would it be my last.
    At this time, Mr X was still pursuing me, but I kept refusing him. We began to see more of each other, but only on a platonic level. The first time I got really drunk, I was with him. We were in Melbourne to see the Australian Ballet perform. I drank twolarge glasses of wine at dinner before the show and, after those, I could hardly walk! I had to be taken back to the hotel before the curtain even rose and I was throwing up the whole night.
    I was only sixteen, and I wasn’t used to drinking at all. As kids, Sue, Di and I would have a glass of spumante, but no more than that. We used to think we were off our heads on Brandavino (a foul wine that cost A$1.99 a bottle) after one swig, but I was probably just pretending to be drunk.
    This time, it felt like I hadn’t drunk anything and then suddenly it hit me and I couldn’t stand up. It was really frightening because I didn’t know what it was. I thought I’d been drunk before, but this was horrendous.
    Of course, these days, it takes two bottles!
    As my friendship with Mr X progressed, it became clear that he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He was determined to have me. One day, when a group of us had gone out for a meal, Mr X took me to one side and told me he had a proposition for me.
    ‘Craig, I want you to travel the world,’ he said. ‘I know you want to be a professional dancer. I want to take you to see the best theatre this planet has to offer, so that you can appreciate exactly what you’re aspiring to.’
    He told me he would buy two tickets for a six-week trip to America and London and pay for everything, but there was a catch. ‘The only thing is that you need to sleep with me before we go,’ he said, adding, ‘I want to take you over the top.’ I knew what that meant.
    I must have had my head screwed on, even then, because I replied, ‘No. I’ll come away with you, but I will only sleep with you once we get there.’
    When I told Eric about it, he said, ‘Oh, it was meant to be me who was going. Why’s he offered it to you?’
    Obviously, I suspected that Mr X had already got what he wanted from Eric and although he’d promised him this adventure, he dumped him and now planned to go with me instead. UnlikeEric, though, I had learned to hold out. I also laid down some ground rules there and then and told Mr X there were things I would do and things I wouldn’t. It was a proposition and I saw it entirely as a business deal, so I negotiated my own terms.
    For a start, I couldn’t go away for a while. Spurred on by the