Free Why the Sky Is Blue by Susan Meissner Page A

after having been so noisy. I was lying on my side, near enough to Dan to feel his chest rising and falling against my back. The house was warm and cozy and the scent of evergreen from the freshly cut Douglas fir standing in the living room wafted up the stairs.
    In the serene quietness of that moment, just as I was drifting off to sleep, I became aware of the slightest flutter inside me, like the airy movement of butterfly wings. My eyes snapped open. I felt it again. The child was moving inside me.
    It was as if a fairy princess was making those tender, flawless movements within me. I think I knew at that moment that the baby growing inside me was a girl. Those perfect movements just inches below my heart were remarkably feminine.
    The next half minute was equally split into fifteen seconds of wonder and fifteen seconds of despair. I had nearly shaken Dan awake to tell him when I suddenly realized I could share this incredible moment with no one. Especially not him.
    So despite the coziness of the house, the gently falling snow, and my husband’s warm nearness, once again I felt alone in the dark place I had been in for weeks.
    I couldn’t stop the tears from slipping out of my eyes and onto my pillow, so I tried very hard to lie still and just let them come. But every now and then a stifled sob would ripple through my ribcage and cause me to move with its rhythm. And each time, my movement was answered by the matched shifting of the tiny one inside me, like echoes across a moonlit valley.
    It wasn’t until mid-January that I finally called Becky’s doctor and made an appointment. By then I was wearing the baggiest sweaters I could find in my closet and pants with an elastic waistband. I had only gained five pounds but my waist had disappeared, and a thick, elongated lump had replaced it. I was nearly halfway through the pregnancy. It would soon be difficult to hide.
    Dan offered to go with me to that first appointment, but I really didn’t want him to go, and I could tell he really didn’t want to go, either. Becky offered to come too, but I really didn’t need anyone to hold my hand.
    Dr. Whitestone was indeed as personable as Becky had promised. He had every right to scold me for waiting until I was four months pregnant to see a doctor, but he said nothing about it. Becky had made it easy for me by telling him my circumstances, for which I was very grateful. It was a sad story I didn’t care to share with anybody. But I was glad he knew.
    He wanted to do an ultrasound, which I figured would be the case. As I lay there with my stomach bare in the dimly lit room, he quietly asked me if I wanted him to turn the screen away from me and turn the volume off. I was touched by his consideration. I thought about it for a moment and decided I wanted to see for myself the child I was carrying. We both watched as he moved the sensor across my middle. The heartbeat was clear, steady, and unmistakable. And it wasn’t as painful to hear as I thought it was going to be. It actually calmed me to hear it, though I don’t think I could ever explain why. There were shapes on the screen that I couldn’t quite make out, but Dr. Whitestone pointed to them and said, “Here’s the skull,” and “Here’s the spinal cord.”
    I then saw a tiny rod with a bloom on the end of it, like Tinkerbell’s wand, propel itself away from the center of the screen. It was a tiny arm, graced with tiny fingers. I was in awe.
    “The placenta’s in a pretty good place, a little low,” he was saying, and I was instantly struggling to reconcile the awe I felt with the news that my placenta wasn’t causing any trouble.
    “How low?” I asked.
    “Well, it’s not in the ideal place, but it’s not in the danger zone, either,” Dr. Whitestone said. “We’ll have to watch it. As the baby grows, the placenta might move upward or it might slip down farther than is safe.”
    “I know all about that,” I said with a sigh.
    “It’s a little early