Free Thursday the Rabbi Walked Out by Harry Kemelman Page B

this is the law because God says so. Sure, they passed some good laws, as any governing body would be likely to do, and some damn silly ones, too, But that’s not religion any more than the American Constitution is religion, or the Code Napoleon, that’s what our Lord Jesus fought against. This wasn’t the usual backsliding that Moses had to contend with when they turned away from the God of Israel to other gods. But this was turning away from the basic concept of religion, the relation of a man to God, that’s why they are disliked. Ellsworth. Because they are the one godless people.”
    “That puts them right in your church, Ellsworth,” said Megrim, grinning. “They’re a bunch of atheists according to the good doctor.”
    “Nah.” With a wide sweep of his hand. Ellsworth Jordon made a gesture of dismissal. “You’ve missed it, Padre, we don’t object to them because they’re godless. I certainly wouldn’t on that account, maybe they did give up their religion for an ethical culture society. But not content with that, they then palmed Jesus on the rest of us. Remember, He’s one of theirs, they foisted Him on us, and they slid out from under, they gave us a religion that nobody can follow – turn the other cheek and all that sort of thing, while they developed a system, a set of rules, if you like, that people can live with, that’s what we resent, that they eased us into a religion that makes us feel guilty all the time.”
    “But you don’t follow it,” Megrim insisted. “You say you’re an atheist, so I can’t see how you’re affected.”
    “Sure. I’m affected.” said Jordon. “I grew up in it, didn’t I? Once you’re exposed to something like that, you can’t ever get rid of it. It’s what enables them to do so well at – oh, all sorts of things, their minds are clear, they’re not guilt-ridden, they’re not weighted down with superstitions, their mathematicians or doctors or physicists, nothing they believe conflicts with their science, they don’t have to keep a portion of their minds in a water-tight compartment, the way we do. So they have a tremendous advantage over us, they function more efficiently, so it seems as if they are operating at a higher temperature.
    “The Christianity they gave us consists of concepts that no one but a saint could possibly follow – and I’ve often wondered what their dreams were like, all this business of’ ‘turn the other cheek.’ and ‘If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.’ and ‘Love thine enemy,’ it’s beyond the capacity of a normal human being.
    “On the other hand, the Jews set up a religion, or a code of ethics or what have you, that a normal person can follow, like helping each other out, and respecting each other, and enjoying life by eating and drinking and having families.
    And what’s the result? We don’t follow our rules because they’re beyond our capacity, and we keep only the irrational and the superstitious elements – the fear of going to hell, the guilt feelings we have when our minds perform their normal function of questioning the impossible. Whereas the Jews stick to their principles because they’re well within human limitations, and sometimes they even manage to follow the Christian rules – when it’s convenient, or good business, or reasonable, like in this Good Fence. But that’s loving your enemy and turning the other cheek.”
    A thought occurred to him. “Hey, you guys want to know something? Theirs is the only Christian nation in the world today. How about that. Padre? Here your church has been trying for centuries to convert them, and in the meantime they’ve converted themselves, and you didn’t even know it.”
    “Well, now that you’ve proved that Jews are Christians, do you feel different about Segal’s membership?” asked Megrim, grinning.
    “Hell no.” said Jordon. “I’m still going to blackball the sonofabitch.”
    “I – I don’t understand.” said Burkhardt. “What