Free Vince and Joy by Lisa Jewell Page A

crumbs.
    Chris pointed the trigger at the coals and squeezed. A fine mist of violet droplets fell over the embers, igniting a wall of amber flame, and Chris prodded at an annihilated sausage, easing it gently on to its side.
    ‘Come on,’ he wheedled, ‘one last sausage. Who’s up for it?’
    Everyone declined politely and rubbed their swollen bellies.
    The lazy drunken afternoon had drifted seamlessly into a lazy drunken barbecue. Chris had managed to persuade a reluctant Alan and Barbara to join them in their barbecue, as well as another unsuspecting couple who’d happened to wander past as proceedings were kicking off. The floor was littered with greasy paper plates, greying bones and leathery potato skins, and Alan was opening yet another bottle of Beaujolais. He was turning slightly pink around the edges and his voice was getting louder with every glass of wine.
    ‘So,’ he said, swinging himself round to address Kirsty, who sat on a blanket with her legs folded beneath her,
‘Kirsty
’ He said her name so loudly that she jumped slightly. ‘It hardly seems possible that a young slip of a thing like you could have mothered this hulking great lad –’ he gestured at Vince. ‘Do they start early where you come from?’
    ‘Alan,
’ hissed Barbara.
    ‘What?’ he snapped. ‘Can’t a man give a woman a compliment any more? I suppose it’s
sexist,
is it?’
    ‘Oh, Alan…’
    ‘It’s OK,’ soothed Kirsty. ‘I’m not bothered. I was seventeen when I had Vince.’ She turned to Alan and smiled. ‘Not that young, really.’
    ‘Well,’ Alan boomed, a smile spreading across his face, ‘I must say that you’re very well preserved, my dear. You don’t look a day over thirty.’
    ‘Thank you,’ smiled Kirsty, handling the compliment like a true professional. ‘It’s having a toy boy.’ She winked at Chris. ‘Keeps me young.’
    Alan chortled. ‘Oh, yes, yes, yes. I can see that it would. All that blood pumping through your system, eh?’ He winked. ‘Nothing better for the skin than a healthy sex Ufe.’
    ‘ALAN!
’
    ‘Oh, for God’s sake,
what?!
I’m just stating fact. It’s well known that an active sex life keeps you young. Isn’t that right, Kirsty?’
    ‘Absolutely right, Alan,’ Kirsty agreed gamely.
    ‘And it’s an excellent form of aerobic exercise, too. Or so it would appear.’ He cast an appreciative eye up and down Kirsty’s trim, toned legs. ‘Not an extra ounce on you. Like a young girl’
    Kirsty laughed politely, but an uncomfortable silence was descending elsewhere.
    ‘Nice to see’ he continued, obliviously, ‘a woman on the cusp of middle age, taking such good care of herself. Very nice to see.’ He smiled at her, revealing burgundy-tinged teeth.
    ‘Right,’ announced Joy, grabbing Vince’s hand and hoisting him to his feet, ‘we’re going for a walk.’
    The adults turned and looked at them in surprise.
    ‘Yup,’ said Vince, getting obediently to his feet, ‘off for a walk.’
    Before anyone had a chance to protest, they strode into the caravan, picked up Joy’s bag and a couple of beers, bade a forceful good night to everyone and walked as fast as they could away from the tragic sound of drunken middle-aged revelry.

Seven
     
    ‘My father is the most heinous creature known to mankind.’Joy took an angry gulp from a can of Heineken. ‘God. Your poor mother. How totally embarrassing.’
    ‘Oh, Mum can handle herself,’ he said, squeezing her hand reassuringly. ‘She’s had plenty of practice at that kind of thing.’
    ‘That’s not the point. It’s just, you know, in front of Mum, in front of me, in front of Chris – it’s… it’s
psychotic,
’ she shuddered. ‘You know, as if your mum would be interested in
him.
When she’s so pretty and she’s got Chris and everything. But he’s so fucking vain that he really thinks he’s in with a chance. You know. As if if he really switches on the charm, she’s just going to fall
swooning
into