Free Bouvard and PÈcuchet by Gustave Flaubert Page B

preserves.
    The disillusion was complete. The slices of veal were like boiled boot-soles; a muddy fluid had taken the place of the lobster; the fish-stew was unrecognisable; mushroom growths had sprouted over the soup, and an intolerable smell tainted the laboratory.
    Suddenly, with the noise of a bombshell, the still burst into twenty pieces, which jumped up to the ceiling, smashing the pots, flattening out the skimmers and shattering the glasses. The coal was scattered about, the furnace was demolished, and next day Germaine found a spatula in the yard.
    The force of the steam had broken the instrument to such an extent that the cucurbit was pinned to the head of the still.
    Pécuchet immediately found himself squatted behind the vat, and Bouvard lay like one who had fallen over a stool. For ten minutes they remained in this posture, not daring to venture on a single movement, pale with terror, in the midst of broken glass. When they were able to recover the power of speech, they asked themselves what was the cause of so many misfortunes, and of the last above all? And they could understand nothing about the matter except that they were near being killed. Pécuchet finished with these words:
    "It is, perhaps, because we do not know chemistry!"
    [Illustration]

CHAPTER III.
    AMATEUR CHEMISTS.
    In order to understand chemistry they procured Regnault's course of lectures, and were, in the first place, informed that "simple bodies are perhaps compound." They are divided into metalloids and metals--a difference in which, the author observes, there is "nothing absolute." So with acids and bases, "a body being able to behave in the manner of acids or of bases, according to circumstances."
    The notation appeared to them irregular. The multiple proportions perplexed Pécuchet.
    "Since one molecule of
a
, I suppose, is combined with several particles of
b
, it seems to me that this molecule ought to be divided into as many particles; but, if it is divided, it ceases to be unity, the primordial molecule. In short, I do not understand."
    "No more do I," said Bouvard.
    And they had recourse to a work less difficult, that of Girardin, from which they acquired the certainty that ten litres of air weigh a hundred grammes, that lead does not go into pencils, and that the diamond is only carbon.
    What amazed them above all is that the earth, as an element, does not exist.
    They grasped the working of straw, gold, silver, the lye-washing of linen, the tinning of saucepans; then, without the least scruple, Bouvard and Pécuchet launched into organic chemistry.
    What a marvel to find again in living beings the same substances of which the minerals are composed! Nevertheless they experienced a sort of humiliation at the idea that their own personality contained phosphorus, like matches; albumen, like the whites of eggs; and hydrogen gas, like street-lamps.
    After colours and oily substances came the turn of fermentation. This brought them to acids--and the law of equivalents once more confused them. They tried to elucidate it by means of the atomic theory, which fairly swamped them.
    In Bouvard's opinion instruments would have been necessary to understand all this. The expense was very great, and they had incurred too much already. But, no doubt, Dr. Vaucorbeil could enlighten them.
    They presented themselves during his consultation hours.
    "I hear you, gentlemen. What is your ailment?"
    Pécuchet replied that they were not patients, and, having stated the object of their visit:
    "We want to understand, in the first place, the higher atomicity."
    The physician got very red, then blamed them for being desirous to learn chemistry.
    "I am not denying its importance, you may be sure; but really they are shoving it in everywhere! It exercises a deplorable influence on medicine."
    And the authority of his language was strengthened by the appearance of his surroundings. Over the chimney-piece trailed some diachylum and strips for binding. In the middle