Free Awakening the Luminous Mind: Tibetan Meditation for Inner Peace and Joy by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche Page B

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    Suppose you are in a relationship with another person who is experiencing some challenge or confusion. You may feel their discomfort. If it activates your pain body, your reaction will not be coming from a connection with infinite possibility, and so will lack creativity. Your ego is not able to fully help, because it lacks space, awareness, and warmth. Whenever you recognize that ego has been triggered, it is important to connect with the inner refuge. Otherwise, even with good intentions, ego interferes with your own or somebody else’s process. If you truly want to help another, keep ego’s agenda out of it. Let others feel and connect and figure out their process. That does not mean that you remain passive and disengaged; on the contrary, you are fully present.
    My son Senghe is five as I write this. He often asks for my attention, regardless of whether I am busy or not. One time he asked me to come into the living room where he was playing. I entered the room with my sandals on and he immediately said, “Take your sandals off!” By saying this, he was asking me to sit down and be with him. To him, my wearing sandals meant that I was ready to go at any moment. Of course, once I took off my sandals and was sitting with him, he was not paying any attention to me! Still, he wanted my presence there. He was fully engaged in playing and not asking me to do anything, but my presence meant something to him. The gift of the second refuge is just this: be present with full attention without interfering with whatever is happening. I find it interesting to observe the responses of children to the adults around them. Young children naturally respond to the openness and playfulness of adults, and react when adults are distracted or judgmental or have their own agenda.
    Sometimes we are not good listeners to others around us. Why? We have too much internal dialogue. We are distracted or more interested in listening to the voices of our own ego than bringing clear attention to someone else. Just allow another to express, to feel, and to explore. Be fully present with them. Do not underestimate the power of connecting in this way. With the second refuge you are not sitting in a passive, quiet place but are engaging with awareness, whatever arises. Being present without a judgment or an expectation of someone is a great gift. Of course, if you cannot experience this in yourself, if you have not truly received this gift of awareness, it is difficult to give this to another.
    Overcoming Hope with the Second Refuge
     
    The second refuge overcomes hope. This idea may seem surprising, since hope is considered a virtue in Western religion—an expectation of future blessings and an antidote to despair. But sometimes, without our realizing it, our hopes disguise a hidden fear of lack within us. If we look at how hope can work in this negative way in our lives, we have to ask ourselves what we are hoping to receive from others. How often do we find ourselves wanting those around us to change, and how often are we able to justify reasons why they should? If you are honest, you will discover the reason you hope someone else will change is that you experience some lack or some dissatisfaction within yourself. Often we hope someone else will fulfill a neglected aspect or compensate for a perceived lack in ourselves. When we do not have a connection to the inherent completeness of our own lives we often look to others to provide it for us. So it is important to connect with awareness to the space of being, and to discover richness in ourselves, the sense of the infinite possibility of each moment. When we do, we find that not only do we need less from others, but we have much more to offer them.
    Hope can be a good thing. “It is my hope that you should be happy!” We hold the possibility of someone’s wellness and happiness in our good wishes. But the shadow of this can be, “I don’t get why you are sad for this long.” Sometimes