Free Claus Enterprises: An Erotic Holiday Short Story by Ele Marie Kenzie Page A

his
coffee. Collins is in his early forties, a family man, and a
dedicated employee. My father hired him when he was right out of
college and has been with the company ever since.
    “ It’s the adult Naughty List. Your
father liked to keep track of those who were repeat
offenders.”
    “ So what you’re telling me is this
report will indicate precisely how... let’s say Jane Doe from
Anytown, USA, made it to the Naughty List?” I examine my eggnog
before taking a sip. Collins even added cinnamon for me. What a
keeper.
    “ Indeed, sir.”
    “ Hmmm.” I think I may have just
found a cure for my holiday boredom. “Collins, get this data in a
spreadsheet and email it to me... and make sure I can sort it by
gender and age. I have a special project this year that may be
lucrative for everyone involved.”
    “ I’ll have it ready for you in a
few hours, Mr. Claus. Sir, may I ask what the project you have in
mind is?”
    “ We’re keeping the Naughty
List.”
    “ We are? Forgive me, but how is
that economically to our advantage?”
    “ It’s simple,
Collins. We’re going to turn the Naughty Listers into Nice Listers,
and by we I
mean me .”      “Okay, how are you going to do that all by
yourself?”
    “ I’ll do the leg work and if the
project is a success, then I’ll put more staff on it.”
    “ Whatever you say, Mr. Claus.”
Collins closes his notebook, scoops up the files and leaves my
office. I lean back in my chair and watch the snow fall from the
window as I finish my eggnog.
    This is going to be the best
Christmas yet; I can feel it in my bones... and other places. Oh
the endless possibilities.
     
    ****
     
    I teleport
myself into the first house on my list. It’s going to take a while
to adjust to coming into a random house without feeling like I’m
breaking and entering. I don’t know how generations of Claus’
before me got used to this, but we’ll see how this plays out. I
pull up the Naughty List app I had the IT department create for me
on my smart phone and go over lucky number one’s stats. She’s a
redhead. I fucking love
redheads.
    Name: Olivia
    Age: 30
    Hair: Red
    Eyes: Green
    Naughty Reason: Likes to masturbate
frequently
    Likes to masturbate? Really? Since
when is that a crime? Looks like I’ll have to loosen up these
naughty guidelines. I hear a humming sound behind me followed by
the soft moans of a female. I see Olivia spread eagle on the couch
with one of those industrial sized vibrators between her thighs,
you know, the kind that looks like a cake mixer? I stand there and
watch her go at it while I lick the cream from the middle of one of
the cookies she left out for me. I pretend I’m licking her cream
instead.
    “ Ugh, generic cookies? Really? I
could go for a nice macaroon, now those are good. I hope somebody
puts those out for me,” I say out loud. Apparently I’m too
preoccupied with the cookie situation to notice her staring at me
now.
    “ You have five seconds to get out
of my house or I’m calling the cops!” Shit.
    Olivia leaps up from the couch, pulls up her
panties and covers herself with a throw blanket. I hold the glass
of milk she left out for me to my lips and smile. The cookies are a
bit dry.
    “ Whoah, easy there, Gingerbread.
I’m not here to hurt you.”
    “ Then who are you and what are you
doing here?”
    “ I’m Santa... and I’m here to
negotiate a deal.”
    “ Right, really funny asshole. I’m
calling 9-1-1.” She reaches for her cell phone.
    “ Come on now, that’s not
necessary. Seriously though, I am Santa.”
    “ Prove it.”
    “ Ok.” I snap my fingers and her
cell phone turns into a pile of silver glitter in her hand. She
watches in awe as the glitter sprinkles on the floor.
    “ How the hell did you do
that?”
    “ Magic. ”
    “ Magic, huh? That was an expensive
phone!”
    “ Relax, I’ll replace it.” I snap
my fingers again and a brand new phone appears. “Complete with an
upgrade.” She believes me for the