Free The Room by Jonas Karlsson Page B

various entities within the Department. Home number. Cell phone number. Private cell phone number, if applicable, although of course that’s voluntary, but I’d be grateful if you could fill in the questionnaire as fully as possible.”
    I fell silent and looked at the others. They were all looking at me now. Håkan was wearing the blue corduroy jacket. It looked streaked somehow. Stained? Karl had a terribly deep wrinkle above his nose, right between his eyes.
    “But Björn,” he said. “I asked you to compile a list of phone numbers, didn’t I?”
    All my energy slowly drained away. I suddenly had difficulty concentrating. I felt a chill run down my spine and a stiffness spread across my neck and shoulders. Karl disappeared off toward his glass office. Slowly but surely the others went back to work. Finally even Håkan turned away, his scruffy corduroy jacket reflecting his movements like an extra layer of skin.

33.
    If it’s never happened to you before, it’s easy to let yourself be taken in by new acquaintances. You get the impression that they’re better than your old ones. You ascribe to them all manner of noble qualities, simply because you don’t know them properly.
    They might be nice and pleasant the first time, and the second and third. In rare instances also the fourth and fifth. But you will almost always end up disappointed.
    Sooner or later you reach a certain point. An occasion when their true self breaks through.
    One way of dealing with that sort of thing is simply to assume the worst of people.
    Karl, for instance, probably imagines that he means well. He convinces himself that his feeble efforts to help his staff are for the good of all. What he doesn’t recognize, or chooses not to recognize, is his own desire to be seen as a hero: the one who solves the problem and garners the praise.
    Or Margareta in reception. The appealing exterior, the pleasant demeanor, but before you can say the word “unblemished” she reveals herself to be a junkie.
    More people ought to learn to see their worst sides. Everyone has a bad side. As the poem goes: “What is base in you is also base in them.”
    —
    On the other hand, it’s good to realize that we aren’t as remarkable as we might imagine. We want to earn a lot, eat well, and generally have a nice time. Listen to the radio sometimes or watch something on television. Read a book or a journal. We want to have good weather and be able to buy cheap food close to home.
    In these terms we are all relatively simple creatures. We dream of finding a more or less pleasant partner, a summer cottage or a time-share on the Costa del Sol. Deep down we just want peace and quiet. A decent dose of easily digested entertainment every now and then.
    Anything more is just vain posturing.

34.
    After three days without the room I started to feel unsettled deep down in my gut. I became irritable and noticed I was sweating more than usual. The most acute abstinence anxiety was starting to subside, but it was as if the habit was still in my body. I constantly had to stop myself when I realized my body was on its way there of its own accord. Like a former smoker fumbling for a packet of cigarettes. I tried to think about something else, and every time I felt the urge I tried counting to twenty.
    I didn’t go in. I’m sure of that. I sat there clinging to my desk, thinking that as long as I sat there I was fine.
    —
    That night I stood at the window fantasizing about the room. Remembering details. The mirror, the filing cabinet. The little fan on the desk. I tried to recreate something of the atmosphere in there. But it just felt odd.

35.
    The next morning I woke up thinking about the room. I ate my two crispbreads with unsmoked caviar thinking about the room. I walked to work thinking about the room. I was thinking about the room as I passed Margareta in reception, who hadn’t looked at me for several weeks now and thus hadn’t given me an appropriate opportunity to