Free 22 Britannia Road by Amanda Hodgkinson Page A

didn’t.’
    ‘It’s very kind of you to help us,’ says Janusz. ‘Very kind. Aurek will be going to school soon and we have been thinking about finding work for my wife. We’ll go down to the factory today.’
    Silvana can’t remember any conversations about finding her a job.
    ‘School?’ she says, and feels her legs go weak. ‘Aurek has to go to school?’

Poland
    Silvana
    Silvana loved the early summer evenings in Warsaw. Janusz came home from work and they ate together quickly, Janusz telling her about his day while she listened and nodded and enjoyed feeling like a perfect urban wife. Afterwards they went out into the streets and walked in the park, feeding the ducks on the pond and watching children pushing their wooden sailing boats out on the green water before their nannies took them home.
    One night they stayed longer than usual. It was a hot night and Silvana didn’t feel like going back to the flat, so they sat on a park bench and watched the dusk sky deepen to violet and then a greeny blue before the street lights were lit and it was dark.
    The animals in the menagerie began to call, weaving fretful paths through sawdust bedding. Monkeys howled and chattered in their cages. Clouds of moths circled the street lights. Silvana felt restless. The doctor had told her that the birth was not far off, a week at most. She was filled with energy and wanted to walk.
    A group of women in feathered hats walked past and looked at Janusz. They put their hands across their lipsticked mouths and whispered to each other. Silvana gripped Janusz’s hand and pretended not to notice them.
    The park at night was different – like wading out from the shallows into suddenly cold, deep water that pressed on your chest. Silvana noticed men sitting on benches where no one had been before. Even in the shadows of the magnolia trees behind them, Silvana could see some of them were holding hands. Ahead of her a woman took the arm of a man and walked away into the trees.
    When Silvana and Janusz got home they didn’t speak. They climbed the narrow staircase to their flat and, once inside, Janusz guided Silvana to the bedroom. He sat her on the bed and she watched him take off his clothes, unbuckling his trouser belt, pulling his shirt off over his head.
    She had never seen him naked. Their courting days had been in fields and woodland and their lovemaking had always involved creased clothes and a fear of being discovered. Since they had married, Silvana had felt unsure of the new legitimacy of their lives together. She was careful to look away when Janusz undressed at night and made sure she was always in bed first, under the safety of the bedcovers. Tonight, though, was different.
    ‘Wait,’ she said as he moved towards her. ‘Stay there. I want to look at you.’
    She got up and walked around him, studying him, touching him with her fingertips, like an artist slowly exploring the shadows and curves of a sculpture. Janusz caught hold of her hands and pulled her to him.
    ‘Now you,’ he breathed. ‘Let me see you.’
    Silently Silvana took hold of her collar and unbuttoned it. She let her dress slip to the floor.
    ‘You’re beautiful,’ Janusz whispered, and ran his hands over her belly as if he were polishing its domed surface.
    When they climbed into bed, Silvana felt as though she could make more babies. That the one in her belly could be joined by another. She was too big and heavy to lie on her back, so she knelt on all fours. Silvana felt an urgent, deeper love for Janusz than she had ever felt before. She bowed her head and imagined the dark world inside herself where the child must be, curled under her cathedral ribs. Then she was swept away from her thoughts and there was only Janusz and the unstoppable, silent language of their love.
    By the time she woke the next day, Janusz had already left for work. The bed sheets were wet and twisted around her. She unravelled them and tried to work out why she was lying in