Free All In (Cedar Mountain University #2) by Ann Garner Page B

I’ve tried. Every time I walk
out my bedroom door, or into the bathroom, I’m suddenly standing right back in
my bedroom. Watching the scene as if it is on repeat.
    There are so many things wrong with this dream I can’t even list
them all, and every time I have it I wake up with tears on my face and the same
suffocating pain in my chest that I felt the first few days after the break up.
    And waking up on this morning with the pain and tears I can’t help
but wonder why in the hell I agreed to go on this date with Jacob. Because it
doesn’t matter how much I will it to be so, my heart isn’t whole. I feel like
I’m using him.
    Again.
    Groaning, I wipe the remaining tears off my cheek and roll out of
bed. Delaney has music playing in her room, which means that Cole is here. And
the reason for the music playing makes me slightly sick to my stomach. The
music is like our own little version of the sock on the door, because the walls
in this place are pretty thin, and sounds carry like they’re rolling through a
loud speaker.
    I try to push the thought of the two of them and what they’re doing
out of my head as I move through my morning routine, getting ready for what I
have determined is going to be an incredibly lazy Saturday. At least until it’s
time to get ready for my date.
    If I don’t cancel.
    Stepping out
of the shower, t he steam is like a thick
cloud in the bathroom. I wrap a towel around my body before I reach over and
wipe my hand along the mirror, shoving condensation aside so I can see my
reflection.
    Thanks to the shower there is no evidence of the tears I’d cried
overnight. But I know they’re there, locked away inside of me, and they’ll come
again. It seems they always come again. Even though I don’t want them to.
Especially because I don’t want them to.
    It’s going to get better one day. Right? Because I’m not sure how
much longer I can take this moping, lifeless version of myself. I think four
months is long enough.
    “Suck it up, Grace.” I tell my reflection. “It’s time to get your
shit together.”
    By the time I’m dressed and heading out of the bedroom the music in
the apartment has stopped. I can hear someone fumbling around in the kitchen,
so I head in that direction to find Cole making coffee. He glances up with a
smile on his face when I walk into the room.
    “Good morning, Gracie Lou.”
    Making a face I move past him to get a coffee cup out of the
cabinet. “You seriously need to stop calling me that. I’m not five anymore.” I
pour myself a cup of coffee, dropping way more sugar and milk in the cup then I
probably should.
    “But you’ll always be my baby sister.” He’s ruffling my hair and I
can’t help but laugh as I try and smack his hands away. “I think you’re the one
that is five.” I mutter, shuffling back out of his reach. “Where’s Delaney? I
want to go get pancakes.”
    “She should be out in a minute.”
    I take a sip of my coffee as I maneuver around the kitchen counter,
sliding onto one of the low stools we’d placed there. I lean my elbows on the
counter, watching as Cole moves around the kitchen as he makes his own cup.
    “How’s she doing?”
    Cole leans back against the counter directly opposite of where I’m
sitting. He takes a small sip of his coffee. “With what?”
    “Next month is coming up fast. Have you talked to her about it?”
    “I’ve tried. She changes the subject. Or leaves the room.”
    I wrap my hands around my cup of coffee, letting the warmth seep
into my suddenly cold hands. “You’ve told her she’s not going to be alone this
year though, right?”
    “Again, I’ve tried. I can’t push her, Grace, she’ll shut me out
entirely.”
    “She needs to talk to someone.”
    “I know.” He looks pained.           
    “I mean someone professional. Not you or me.”
    “I know that, Grace.
Jesus.”
    I take another drink of my coffee as I continue to watch him. Last
year I’d watched him fall apart