Free A Little Bit of Everything Lost by Stephanie Elliot Page B

stuff.”
    Her stomach clenched into what felt like a hard rock and she felt like she might vomit. She knew it was coming; hell, she had to be at school in three weeks. And their schools were four hours apart from each other, completely unrealistic for continuing a relationship. Maybe he hadn’t even considered what they had been doing all summer anything special? Maybe he thought less of them than she had. Maybe he had only wanted a summer thing.
    But to Marnie, it was, and had been, so much more than that.
    She had never felt so connected, so close to anyone; wasn’t sure she’d ever want to find anyone else to be that close with. Yet, she wasn’t able to tell him these things, and that made it all the more frustrating.
    She didn’t want to cry, yet could feel her eyes filling. She waited for him to say something else. When he didn’t, Marnie choked out a “So?” as if she expected him to make some decisions. Hadn’t he been calling the shots ever since they met? It was up to him, because what could she do? Ask him to be her boyfriend? That was so queer. She wanted to know, though. She wanted to ask him something, but she didn’t know what to ask. She was afraid of what she might hear.
    “So,” he replied finally, “This is what I want.”
    She stopped breathing, waited.
    “I still have to see you. I’ve been crazy these past two days without you.”
    When Joe said those words, Marnie breathed.
    He still wanted to see her.
    “But you know how hard that’s going to be once we’re back at school, don’t you?”
    “Yeah. I know.” It’s all she had been thinking of.
    “And I won’t be coming home until Christmas – we go on vacation for Thanksgiving. And to get to Eastern for a weekend, well, that’s like a four-hour drive for you. But, I guess, we could see about it, see how our schedules are? I could come see you at BSU, maybe?”
    Marnie steadied her voice, hoping to sound cool. “Yeah, that would be good.” She would drive out to see him, and she had been dreaming of them visiting one another every other weekend. It could work. She wanted it to.
    “All right, cool,” he said, as if everything were settled. “So, what’s going on tomorrow?”
    “I’ve got to work.”
    “I don’t think The Bean needs you as much as I do. Can you call in sick?”
    “Okay.”

     
     
    Chapter Twenty-Two
November 2004
     
     
    “I’m going to the bakery.”
    “We’re exercising here, and now you’re talking about donuts and scones?” Collette puffed air from her lungs as she caught up with Marnie, who had insisted on a power walk at the forest preserve after the boys trudged onto the bus. The two hadn’t walked together since last spring, since before Marnie had gotten pregnant, and then lost the baby.
    Marnie had spent the last five months treading life, doing what she could to simply stay afloat, and it had been so hard. So hard. To wake up and simply breathe. To wake and realize the baby she wanted wasn’t there, wasn’t going to be there. She was tired of blaming herself. She was so tired of being tired. She was tired of waking up and not having what she wanted day in and day out. Even more so, she was tired of not knowing what it was that she wanted.
    On the surface, it appeared that she had it all. A husband who worked hard to support his family, a photography business that was on the brink of being something bigger than she ever expected, two beautiful healthy children, and yes, she was forever grateful for that, and she did have her own health.
    Marnie thought maybe she was ready to try to start living again. She felt like she could finally work on getting back into life, and a walk with an understanding friend on a crisp morning would be a great start. She needed to get her soul in motion. She needed to feel like living again. Marnie could try at least. Then she had some other ideas she had to put into action.
    “So Marnie, what do you mean, you want to go to the bakery after we work