Free Violence Begets... by Pt Denys, Myra Shelley Page A

as we huddled close to the flame.
    Kevin
    The way he held his own with the guys
surprised me. Now that I knew about his dad, I’d begun to realize just how smart
he really was. If I hadn’t stumbled on to what was going on, I was pretty sure I’d
have no clue. This pissed me off. I was usually really fucking good at picking up
on things I could use against people, but he hid shit so well that it was just dumb
luck I knew what I knew. Luck was bullshit and unpredictable. When I pushed, he
pushed back. But he had an uncanny sense to know when he should and shouldn’t test
me.
    I didn’t like how he was able to cover
and improvise on the spot either. I felt something close to admiration for it, but
it still irritated the fuck out of me. It wasn’t easy keeping things buried so others
wouldn’t figure out who you were. I should know. I was surprised to see someone
else keeping things so close. Most people wanted to bare their hearts, and this
was good because it helped me figure out weaknesses easier. But Rick, he never spilled
what was going on in his life.
    What surprised me most was his ability
to manipulate the situation around him. I was sure he had no idea what he was doing.
It was an instinctual talent that I envied. I had to work hard at my manipulations.
I was so careful, and it was like he was playing fast and loose with his talent.
There were so many times I just wanted to punch him, but then he’d say something
that would bring me up short, or flatout surprise me and the moment would be lost.
    Rick
    One night as
we walked home from Zarahemla the knot in my stomach grew with intensity. Something
was not right.
    “Night, guys,” I said as we approached
my house. I hoped they couldn’t hear the panic that was rising in my voice. I caught
Kevin watching me, and it made me even more nervous. What was he thinking? Did he
know I was scared? Was I scared to go home or scared of him? I felt I couldn’t hide
much from him. He nodded slightly towards me, then turned and walked away with the
group.
    As I approached the side of the house
I noticed a light on inside. I stopped, frozen, not sure what to do. Had I left
the light on? Had he woken up? I knew immediately that I didn’t want to find
out, at least not right at that moment. Zarahemla would have to do.
    Once there, I found the water bottle
filled with alcohol and took several swigs. It burned going down, threatening to
come back up. I coughed for a moment, then took another swig, my throat still burning.
I still didn’t know how they stomached this concoction so easily, but if I was going
to be busted, then I was going to be numb when it happened. Hopefully I wouldn’t
remember most of the confrontation, and I for sure didn’t want to feel the pain
that would go with it. The thing that bothered me most was being unsure if I’d be
able to keep quiet enough to not wake Emma. It killed me to think of her finding
out what our dad was capable of. He loved her, even if he didn’t love me. I couldn’t
take her hero away from her.
    The more I drank in the silence of my
solitude, the closer my unguarded thoughts of Jason haunted me with their intensity.
    “Now push in the clutch and shift into
second,” he said. The car made an awful grinding noise and stalled out. He started
to laugh, “You almost got it buddy.”
    I hit the steering wheel with the palms
of my hands in frustration. “Why can’t I get this?”
    “You’re doing better than I did my first
time. Be patient. Try again.”
    “I’m never going to get it,” I said,
frustrated.
    “Don’t you talk like that. No brother
of mine talks like that. Now try it again,” he said more sternly.
    I worked the clutch with my left foot
and the gas with my right, slowly starting the car. It rolled for a moment. Then
I attempted to downshift it into second, concentrating on letting the clutch out
and pushing the gas in. The car jerked a little but kept going.
    “Wahoo!” I sang out.
    “Good, good! Now try