Free Deviation (Deviate Series) by Dani Morales Page A

sitting position and then lowered again. My head is on a hard chest as a blanket covers us. I bring my left hand to rest on his chest and curl myself into him, sighing. I feel his chuckle and I smile digging my head into his chest more as his arms wrap around me securing me to him. I allow myself to feel safe and secure in his embrace, knowing that when I wake up he will be there next to me. With a kiss to the top of my head, I fall a little more as I slip into the darkness that accompanies sleep.
    *******
    It takes one day to realize the relationship you’re in isn’t healthy and leave. Two days to realize you’re as pathetic as the asshole you stayed with. Three days to get a combination of drugs out of your system. Four days to wish life would end so you take matters into your own hands. Five days to be saved. It takes a week to realize everything each of those days has in common, are the vibrant blue eyes that are staring at me right now. A week. Just one week to see that I’m broken but not unfixable, one week to realize everything doesn’t come with a price. One week to fall in love with love. One week to fall in love with you.
    Who meets someone and falls in love in a week? Is love a controllable emotion? If I walk away right now will the love I think I feel disappear? Just the thought of walking away makes my stomach clenching in anxiety and my heart race. No. No, I couldn’t walk away and hope this feeling would disappear. The thing is, does he feel the same way? I feel it in his kiss, the way he kisses the top of my head. In the way he looks at me, seeing me, not the pretty package on the outside. He sees the me that lies within. He doesn’t know all the specifics, but he knows I have a past and he still looks at me like… like I’m the sun.
    I keep searching Angel’s face for that thing that’s going to give something, anything away, but he just sits there with the most adorable smirk on his face, content, and dare I say happy. Happy, like he’s the one who has won this amazing prize and can’t stop staring at its magnificence. He’s wrong though. He didn’t win a prize, I did. Now I just have to prove I deserve it.
    Angel makes us some breakfast and we eat outside. It’s so b eautiful in his backyard that I seriously consider staying in this spot forever. I can feel myself relaxing, opening up to that possibility; can I be a forever girl for Angel? Does he deserve better than me? Definitely, but I also know I can become a better. I can be the girl that I used to be. The girl that Angel would love, could love. The girl that deserves more than what I allow myself now.
    For the first time since I lost my old life, I feel like myself. I feel the walls inside of me cracking under his heated gaze. His hand grabs mine on top of the table, causing more pieces to crumble, and when he smiles the remaining pieces shatter. I’m completely vulnerable and I’ve never felt more alive. The only way I can describe the feeling that’s flowing through my veins, is by getting up and proving to everyone in my past that I’m not just a shell and live the life that keeps being given to me.

Chapter 10
     
    There comes a point when you have to look back on your life and realize the only person to blame is yourself. It’s so easy to blame others for the horrific things that happened to you, but when you actually take the time to sit there and think about it, it’s you. The one common entity that all these events have in common is staring back at me.
    I’ve never been fond of mirrors. Random, I know, but think about it. You can hide yourself from everyone by playing the part, dressing the part, hell you can hide yourself by believing you’re someone else. But when you stand in front of a mirror all you see is yourself. It’s a deeper connection than the one around you. Do you know why? I can tell you why, because I’ve played that part. I’ve put on a front for so long that I was consumed by the role. I became the