Free Plastic Hearts by Lisa de Jong Page A

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    “Actually, speaking of Dane, I agreed to go to the club with him on Thursday. There’s a guest DJ playing in town.” Her eyes were huge as she processed what I just told her.
    “Are you kidding?”
    “No. I figured if I said yes, he would leave me alone.” I didn’t add the part where I was actually a little excited about hanging out with him.
     “Oh honey, after you go out with that boy once, you will be eating out of his palm. Trust me.” There was some wickedness in her eyes, but I knew she was wrong. I couldn’t have him even if I wanted him.
     

     
    My world was so confusing.
    My parents were proud of me when I was dating some rich, educated boy whom I usually had a hard time connecting with, but Jade was proud of me for taking a risk and going for the boy that I knew my parents would never accept. All Jade had talked about since yesterday was my impending date with Dane while I dodged phone calls from my mother. Talking to her and knowing I was breaking her rules made me feel guilty because I wasn’t used to deceiving her. How did I get to the point where doing something that made me genuinely happy also made me feel like a bad person? I knew it wasn’t right to feel this way, but I couldn’t stop it. My parents were constantly in my head, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. The longer I listened to them, the more resentment I felt.
    My mother called again on Tuesday night. I couldn’t avoid it much longer - she would have her driver come looking for me again - so I picked it up on the fifth ring.
    “Hello,” I grimaced.
    “Alexandra, we need to talk.” This woman didn’t mince her words and I could only imagine what I had coming. She always called with a purpose and not one had ever pleased me.
    “Um, yes?” I said, biting my lip so hard that I could taste blood. I would like to say that my mother didn’t scare me, but that would be a lie. She scared the hell out of me.
    “Have you talked to Ryan? I saw his mother at the gym today and she was giving me the cold shoulder. I can’t have this, Alexandra. We’re on the planning board for the Children’s Hospital Gala together and I don’t need you ruining this for me. This is quite possibly the biggest event of the year and everyone who is anyone will be in attendance.” My lip trembled as I wrapped my arms around my stomach, taking in every word. Her words cut me. There was no concern for my feelings, but she was very concerned about her precious gala. Was I used to this? Yes. Did it hurt any less when it happened? No.
    “Mother, Ryan and I are a country apart and things just aren’t working right now. It’s hard to carry on a relationship when we only see each other on break and I think it’s important that we both focus on school.” I tried to speak in a normal voice, but it was shaky as I choked back the tears.
    “All the men in his family attend Stanford. You know that.” I wanted to hang up the phone so badly. She didn’t get it and never would.
    “I know he had to go to Stanford, but it doesn’t change the fact that we are hours and miles apart.”
    “Is this still just a break, Alexandra?” There was so much vile in her voice. This was more of an order than a question. We both knew that.
    “Yes,” I lied, sucking in a deep breath.
    “Good, make it a short one.” She hung up, allowing me to let out the air I had been holding in my lungs.
    I settled into my pillow, letting the tears fall from my eyes as I tried to let go of the guilt. The guilt that I couldn’t be what everyone wanted me to be all the time. The guilt that I couldn’t stop the side of me that wanted more than what my parents had given me. Every now and then, someone would tell me they wished they had my life. I may have a nice house, expensive clothes and a generous monthly allowance, but my life was nothing to envy. I would trade it all in a heartbeat for a bit of positive attention from my parents.
     Ever since I was younger, I had