Free The Thing I Didn't Know I Didn't Know (Russel Middlebrook: The Futon Years Book 1) by Brent Hartinger Page B

sometime."
    Kevin's white teeth disappeared. Which meant his smile did too.
    "Oh, Russel."
    "What?" I said. Had the light in this store always been so bright? Had the floor always been this sticky?
    "I'm really sorry."
    "About what?"
    "I have a boyfriend."
    "You have..." At that, a massive meteor slammed into the Earth, totally wiping out me, Uwajimaya, and the entire chorus of angels. Or maybe a sinkhole opened under my feet and I fell down into it, all the way to the planet's molten core. I wasn't sure which it was, but it didn't matter, because I couldn't feel anything anyway.
    Of course Kevin has a boyfriend . People who looked like he did, people who were positive and optimistic about the future, they always had boyfriends, at least if they wanted them.
    "We live together," Kevin said. "I should've mentioned him right away. That was so stupid. I don't know why I didn't. I didn't mean to lead you on. I thought you were with someone too. Weren't you seeing someone?"
    "Sort of," I said. "But it didn't last." That had been two years ago, and it hadn't been serious anyway.
    "Well, it's only a matter of time. Assuming that's what you want. I mean, maybe you're happy being single." He swatted at the air. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to say. I know you want a relationship. Geez, I'm an idiot, aren't I?"
    I shook my head. "It's fine. It was just a misunderstanding. So you're living with someone, huh? What's he like?"
    "He's good. He's great. But you don't want to hear about him."
    "No, I guess not," I said. "I should get back anyway. I mean, I'm technically working right now."
    "Yeah, okay. I understand. But Russel?"
    I stopped.
    "I really would like to be friends. Real friends, I mean. I totally understand if you don't want to. But you're an important part of my life, and we live in the same city now, and, well, I'd love to try to be friends if you do."
    This was a serious decision. Did I want to be "friends" with Kevin Land? After all, I'd spent the last few weeks convincing myself he was the solution to all my problems—that if we ended up back together, I could recapture the passion and magic of my youth. But that wasn't going to happen now. So wouldn't being friends with him be like a seal trying to make friends with a shark? It would have been one thing if Kevin was happy in his life and I was happy in my own life. Or if I was happy and Kevin was unhappy. But Kevin being happy and me being unhappy had disaster written all over it.
    So of course I smiled my biggest smile, even showing him my yellow teeth, and said, "Of course! I absolutely want to be friends."
     
    *   *   *
     
    Boston's apartment still smelled like dust and old kitchen grease.
    That day after work, I'd texted him, the guy I'd had that hook-up with before. I'd asked if he wanted to get together again, and he'd said yes, so I'd come directly from work. Looking around his apartment, it occurred to me: this was probably the kind of place I'd be living in if I hadn't had a rich friend like Gunnar to sponge off of.
    Why had I come here? It wasn't (just) that I was horny. It was that thing with Kevin, seeing him in Uwajimaya. It had really screwed with my mind, just like I'd been worried it would. Talk about tearing the paper lantern off the light bulb!
    I'd wanted someone to talk to about Kevin again, but Gunnar and Min had both seemed so distracted lately. Plus, I guess I wanted a "gay" perspective.
    Oh, and I was horny. There's that too.
    " Rustler! " Boston said as I stood in the doorway. This was kind of fun. I'd only met him that one time before, and he already had a nickname for me.
    I smiled. "Thanks for inviting me over."
    "Sure, come on in."
    He was wearing navy blue cotton pants and a light blue short-sleeve shirt with the words "Al's Auto" embroidered on the breast. He was leaner than Kevin, but had good lines.
    "You're a mechanic?" I said.
    "Yup, I'm a grease monkey." He held up his hands to show the actual car oil on them, but I resisted