Free The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional by Gary Chapman Page B
Authors: Gary Chapman
angry, and restrain your immediate response. Today we'll look at step three: Locate the focus of your anger. If you are angry with your spouse, step back and ask yourself, Why am I angry? Is it what my spouse has said or done? Is it the way he is talking? Is it the way she is looking at me?
The bottom line in locating the focus of your anger is to pinpoint what your spouse did or failed to do that you consider to be wrong. Has your spouse sinned against you in some way? If no sin was committed, then your anger is distorted. You didn't get your way, so you are angry. That is childish. It's time to grow up and realize that in marriage, you don't always get what you want. However, if your mate has genuinely sinned against you, then it's time for a calm and loving confrontation. Follow the example Jesus set forth in Matthew 18 by making the confrontation private and direct, and be willing to listen as well as talk. Locating the focus of your anger will help you determine whether your anger is distorted or appropriate.
Father, I need wisdom to determine why I'm getting angry. Please don't let my emotion cloud my thinking. Help me to differentiate clearly between anger that has a justifiable cause and anger that does not. I pray for positive communication between myself and my mate.
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. JAMES 1:19-20
AS WE'VE BEEN DISCUSSING, the way you handle anger can be detrimental to your marriage. Today we look at step four in controlling your anger: Analyze your options. Now that you know why you are angry, you can decide how you are going to respond.
There are many things that you might do, some of which are extremely harmful. You could give your spouse a tongue-lashing. Some people move into physically abusive territory and shake or even hit the other person. God hates that kind of violence; in fact, Psalm 11:5 says that he hates those who love violence. The apostle James encouraged his readers to be slow to anger because of this very issue-that anger often results in unrighteous actions, which are not what God desires for us. You need to set aside those sinful responses and take a more positive approach.
Whatever you contemplate doing, you must answer two questions. First, is the action I'm considering positive? That is, does it have the potential for dealing with the wrong that was committed and making things better? Second, is the action I'm considering loving? Is it designed to benefit the person at whom I am angry? If the answer to these two questions is yes, then you are ready for the final step.
Father, forgive me for the times when lam quick to get angry and sin in my anger. Please give me strength as 1 try to make better decisions about how 1 will respond.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. EPHESIANS 4:31-3a
IN THE PAST DAYS, we've looked at a five-step program for handling anger: Admit to yourself that you are angry; restrain your immediate response; locate the focus of your anger; analyze your options. Today we're ready for step five: Take constructive action.
As I see it, there are two possibilities. The first is to lovingly confront the person with whom you are angry. The second is to consciously decide to overlook the matter. It's what the Bible calls forbearance. The book of Romans talks about God's mercy and forbearance in not counting our sins against us. Forbearance is the best option when you realize that your anger is distorted and has grown out of selfishness. If that's the case, you release your anger to God with a prayer: "Father, forgive me for being so selfish." Then you let it go. You may also choose to let go of offenses that are real but which you
The bottom line in locating the focus of your anger is to pinpoint what your spouse did or failed to do that you consider to be wrong. Has your spouse sinned against you in some way? If no sin was committed, then your anger is distorted. You didn't get your way, so you are angry. That is childish. It's time to grow up and realize that in marriage, you don't always get what you want. However, if your mate has genuinely sinned against you, then it's time for a calm and loving confrontation. Follow the example Jesus set forth in Matthew 18 by making the confrontation private and direct, and be willing to listen as well as talk. Locating the focus of your anger will help you determine whether your anger is distorted or appropriate.
Father, I need wisdom to determine why I'm getting angry. Please don't let my emotion cloud my thinking. Help me to differentiate clearly between anger that has a justifiable cause and anger that does not. I pray for positive communication between myself and my mate.
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. JAMES 1:19-20
AS WE'VE BEEN DISCUSSING, the way you handle anger can be detrimental to your marriage. Today we look at step four in controlling your anger: Analyze your options. Now that you know why you are angry, you can decide how you are going to respond.
There are many things that you might do, some of which are extremely harmful. You could give your spouse a tongue-lashing. Some people move into physically abusive territory and shake or even hit the other person. God hates that kind of violence; in fact, Psalm 11:5 says that he hates those who love violence. The apostle James encouraged his readers to be slow to anger because of this very issue-that anger often results in unrighteous actions, which are not what God desires for us. You need to set aside those sinful responses and take a more positive approach.
Whatever you contemplate doing, you must answer two questions. First, is the action I'm considering positive? That is, does it have the potential for dealing with the wrong that was committed and making things better? Second, is the action I'm considering loving? Is it designed to benefit the person at whom I am angry? If the answer to these two questions is yes, then you are ready for the final step.
Father, forgive me for the times when lam quick to get angry and sin in my anger. Please give me strength as 1 try to make better decisions about how 1 will respond.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. EPHESIANS 4:31-3a
IN THE PAST DAYS, we've looked at a five-step program for handling anger: Admit to yourself that you are angry; restrain your immediate response; locate the focus of your anger; analyze your options. Today we're ready for step five: Take constructive action.
As I see it, there are two possibilities. The first is to lovingly confront the person with whom you are angry. The second is to consciously decide to overlook the matter. It's what the Bible calls forbearance. The book of Romans talks about God's mercy and forbearance in not counting our sins against us. Forbearance is the best option when you realize that your anger is distorted and has grown out of selfishness. If that's the case, you release your anger to God with a prayer: "Father, forgive me for being so selfish." Then you let it go. You may also choose to let go of offenses that are real but which you
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