Free First You Fall: A Kevin Connor Mystery by Scott Sherman Page B

watching you grow up was what gave shape and meaning to my existence. As hard as I worked, I always believed it was for you, my boys, the lights of my life.
    “But you can’t let anyone, even your children, become your life. And for a long time that’s what I did, ignoring parts of myself that I was afraid would take me away from you. Denying the things my soul craved, denying my heart.
    “But the heart can only be denied for so long.
    “By the time I was ready to face the truth, I was almost dead inside. But I wanted to wait until I thought you boys could deal with my being gay. I wanted to believe that we could stil be a family.” Al en’s expression turned sad.
    “But I was wrong.
    “While you were children, I could forgive you. But now you are men, and stil your minds are closed. As are your hearts. I’ve reached out to you both over the years, but each time I’ve been rebuffed.
    “What you are doing, Michael, makes me especial y sad.”
    I made a mental note—what was Michael doing?
    “Stil , I have provided for each of you in my wil .” I looked at the Harrington boys. Paul’s sudden smile made me think of a vulture finding a particularly tasty corpse on the road. Alana clenched her fist and nodded as if to say “yes!”
    Michael stayed stoic.
    “Oh, not as much as I could have. And not as much as I know you’re hoping for. But enough for me to go to my grave knowing I did the right thing.
    “Even if my boys didn’t.
    “Now, to my dear friend Kevin.”

    I could feel al the eyes in the room fal on me.
    “Kevin, you have refused the gifts I’ve offered you over the years. But what you didn’t know is that I’ve been taking the money I wanted to give you and investing it on your behalf.
    “And, if you don’t mind my saying so, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s investing.”
    Al en smiled.
    “You’ve always told me that you wanted to earn enough money to put yourself through school. Wel , now you’l find that you have more than enough to fol ow that dream. And maybe even take a nice vacation before you enrol .
    “Maybe you can take that friend Freddy you’re always going on about. I’ve got a feeling you two are going to be spending a lot of time together.” Freddy looked at me in surprise. I tried not to notice. Had I led Al en to think that my feelings for Freddy extended beyond friendship?
    Did they?
    And what was Al en’s inheritance going to mean in my life? Had my world just changed? Again?
    Al en continued. “Kevin, I thank you for your companionship. Although my own boys wouldn’t let me be a part of their lives, you were like a son to me.
    Now, go and make me proud.”
    Alana turned to Paul. “Oh, please.” He harrumphed in response.
    “You real y should see a doctor about that noise you keep making,” Freddy said with mock sincerity.
    “Shhh,” Ms. Steel said, barely suppressing a grin.

    “The bulk of my estate,” Al en said “I leave to the Association for the Acceptance of Lesbian and Gay Youth.” The two women I didn’t know gasped and clutched each other. The heavier one blushed furiously.
    “Lori, May, I believe you have the opportunity to do something wonderful with your work. I only hope that through your contributions you can help ensure that other young people don’t have to face the repression and isolation I felt for so much of my life. I’m so glad I can help you begin your journey.”
    “Lastly, a message to my sons. Wel , my biological ones, that is.
    “You’ve wasted a lot of your lives on negative emotions. But it’s not too late for you to change.
    Anger is the only poison in the world that kil s both the giver and the receiver.
    “Get over it.”
    The screen went black. Ms. Steel pressed a button, and it disappeared back into the ceiling as the lights came back on.
    “Wel ,” said Alana, tapping the table with her perfectly manicured nails, “I guess he put the homosexual agenda ahead of his own family right until the end,