Free The Sky Is Dead by Sue Brown Page B

both homeless. If we’d been sensible, we’d never have allowed them to get so close. Harry lives at home. How old is he?”
    “Sixteen.”
    “He’s a kid?” Ben makes it sound as if I’ve been molesting a child.
    “I’m eighteen,” I remind him. I draw up my legs to my chest and hug myself defensively.
    He sighs. “I know. It’s just… you are nothing like a normal eighteen-year-old.”
    “Thanks for reminding me I’m not normal. What gave it away? Is it that I’m queer?”
    “You know that’s not what I mean.”
    “What do you mean, then?” I’m not going to make it easy for him, even if I am thinking the same things he is.
    “Does Harry know about you?”
    I stare at Ben incredulously. “Of course he does. How the hell can I hide it? I can’t take him home to Mummy.”
    He studies me carefully. “You’ve changed over the past few weeks. Apart from your hair, you don’t look like a bum. You’re clean and you’ve put on weight.”
    “That’s because he’s been feeding me and I’m wearing his clothes. He knows where I sleep. We’ve been friends for months, and no, I haven’t fucked him, and yes, we’ve used condoms to blow each other. Satisfied?”
    Ben nods. He doesn’t look embarrassed at my answers. I guess it takes more than a snarky answer about sex to embarrass a nurse. “And you’ve slept at his house?”
    “Yeah, and I’ve met his mum.”
    Suddenly he breaks into a large smile. “That’s great, Danny.”
    I look down into my mug. “Yeah, I guess.”
    “You don’t think it’s great?”
    “Of course I do, but it’s going to go wrong and I’m gonna be the one that’s hurt, aren’t I? He gets to keep his nice house and his mum, and I go back to sleeping in the park.” I stare into my mug to avoid looking at Ben.
    “What makes you think it’s going to go wrong?” Ben sounds confused.
    “He’s sixteen. You don’t stay in love with the same person when you’re sixteen. Steve dumped me and he was sixteen. Harry’ll do the same.”
    “You know that for a fact?”
    I look at him, exasperated. “Kids don’t stay in love,” I repeat.
    “Some do.” Ben’s words are so sure I look up. He gives me that regretful look.
    I roll my eyes. “ You have never done anything about it.” The unrequited love for that nurse is hardly the same thing.
    Ben sighs. “I know, and I wish it were different.”
    “Go and talk to her. Christ, you’ll be dead before you say anything.”
    “It’s not that easy.”
    My eyes are getting exercise today. “Ben, you’re a nurse. You have your own home. You volunteer at a homeless shelter. What more could a woman want? Stop making excuses.”
    “Like you’re doing?” he snaps back.
    “Ha fucking ha!”
    “Billy and Lil loved each other.”
    “And look what happened to them!”
    Ben sniffs and I almost feel guilty… almost. “All I’m saying is, don’t give up on love,” he says. “If Harry’s not the one, then there’ll be someone. But you’ve got to get off the streets. Trust me. That’s the first step.”
    I shake my head. “If I was going to trust anyone, it would be you and Greg, but trust is stupid.”
    He stands and holds his hand out for my mug. “Do you want to end up like Old Johnnie or Liam?”
    “I’m not like them. I don’t drink or take drugs.”
    “So? Neither do they. They’ve been homeless for so long we can’t help them more than we do. I thought you were different. I thought we had a chance with you.”
    Ben walks off before I have a chance to reply. I scowl at his back. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know how scared I am. Billy’s death has proved to me that becoming dependent on someone is a bad idea. I told Ben to commit to the nurse, but he’s got the right idea. Trust no one.
    I sit in the same seat until it’s dark, long past the time I should meet Harry. Eventually the drop-in shelter closes for the day, and I wander back to my bush. There’s a note tucked in a sleeping bag—a