Free Spiral of Bliss 02 Allure by Nina Lane Page B

struggle to put my thoughts into order. “A pregnancy… I mean, we have this child, and you… you’re going into this with this idea that it wasn’t supposed to happen…”
    “Liv, I’m trying to buy a house because we’re having a baby. I’m thinking about our finances, investment and legal strategies. I’ve even looked into college savings programs. I’m
going into this
with the idea that we have to plan for the future.”
    “But how do you feel about all that, Dean? If you think you somehow failed—”
    “Liv.” Dean crosses the room and kneels in front of me. He puts his hands over mine. “Liv, look at me.”
    I look up through the veil of hair that has fallen across either side of my face. His eyes blaze into mine, determination steeling his features. He grips my shoulders.
    “I’ve never…” His voice is rough. “I’ve never felt that anything involving you was a failure. Believe me.”
    I’m supposed to fall into his arms and let him hold me. I’m supposed to press my head against his chest and listen to his deep-voiced reassurances, feel them soothe all the doubts blistering in my head. I’m supposed to say
yes, yes, of course I believe you…
    An ache fills my heart. He’ll reassure me, I’ll feel better, then he’ll go to California alone while I stay in our cozy apartment, sheltered from all the cold hostility and anger winding through the West family.
    That’s the way it works for the strong, protective man and the good girl who doesn’t cause trouble for anyone.
    I stare into my husband’s eyes. Such a beautiful brown. The color of chocolate, mahogany, cinnamon. I can see him waiting for my surrender.
    “I can’t believe you,” I whisper.
    “What?” A shutter crashes over his expression. He lets go of me.
    “We’ve spent the past four months failing miserably.” I force the words out, broken but clear. “We let each other down. We made mistakes. We hurt each other.”
    He shoves to his feet and stalks away. “That’s over. We’re done with that.”
    “Are we? Then you need to stop thinking that every time something doesn’t go according to plan, it’s a mistake. You need to stop thinking you failed me.”
    “You just fucking told me that I did fail you!” Dean retorts. “You told me years ago that you didn’t want children. Birth control was my responsibility. I was the one using condoms.”
    “Dean, for the love of God, birth control was both of our responsibilities. And
I
was the one who wanted to at least talk about the idea of children. To maybe reconsider. Just because we never came to an agreement doesn’t mean we totally screwed up. An unplanned pregnancy doesn’t equal failure.”
    Does it?
    I shake off that thought and stand.
I will trust my instincts. I will trust myself.
A new resolve straightens my spine.
    “We’re in this together, Dean.
Together.
It’s no one’s fault. There’s no blame to throw around.” I take a hard breath, knowing he has to hear the unvarnished truth. “There is no way to protect me.”
    He backs up, as if my words have hit him.
    “I have to be there with you the entire time,” I persist. “I have to. I want to help your family, if I can. I want your parents to accept the fact that I’m your wife. I want them all to understand that we’re together.”
    We need to understand that too, this new definition of
together
.
    Dean drags a hand through his hair, his body corded with strain. “I don’t
want
you to go.”
    “I don’t want to stay here.” I spread my hands out. Time is running short. We need to get to the airport. He needs to get to California. My heart is pounding.
    “If you leave without me, Dean, I’ll just get another flight tomorrow and follow you.” I snap my suitcase closed. “One way or another, I’m going.”
    He curses sharply, then turns to go into the living room. A few seconds later, I hear him talking on the phone again.
    I turn on my laptop and send emails to Allie, my supervisor