Free Envisioning Hope by Tracy Lee Page A

seat and looked at the picture that
was stapled to the top of the manila folder one more time. I couldn't read her
eyes because they were shut, but her face told me all I needed to know.
    I
couldn't give up on her.
    Mrs.
Saxton had given up on herself…someone needed to show her that while, yes, she
had been through a horrible life changing ordeal, there was no way in hell her
husband would want her living like this: locked away, sitting in a corner,
dirty and unhygienic, and throwing coffee mugs at everyone that walked in to
speak with her. She was still young and needed to fight for something.  That
something was a word she heard every time someone called her name.
    Hope.
    I
set my eyes to the rearview mirror and took in the reflection.
    "You're
coming back tomorrow."
    I
made sure I understood that there was no way I was backing out of this.
Morally, I knew that it wasn't in me not to help her, but physically…I ran my
hand over the back of my head once more. I really had taken more than enough. I
put the key in the ignition and backed out of the parking space.
     
    *
* *
     
    "How
we doin', Ollie? Need a refill?"
    Jackie's
rough voice came at me as she put her purse behind the bar. She didn't smoke,
but you couldn't tell by the scratch in her tone. It must've been all the years
behind a bar she had under her belt. I dropped my eyes to my bottle of beer and
held it up as I smiled a half grin. She read my expression and dropped to the
mini fridge to grab me another. I watched as she made her way down the bar to
me, placing the small square napkin down before setting the beer bottle on top
of it.
    "Doin'…how
are you tonight?" I asked in response. They knew me here. At this bar, we
were family, at least the kind of family I needed. They didn't get in my
business unless I wanted them there and they didn't ask to borrow money from
me. We were all here for one thing and one thing only, to tie one on and then
go home by ourselves and jerk off before closing our eyes to start this shit
all over again.
    "The
same as I was yesterday, and the day before that… lonely and broke."
    That
was always her response. She began wiping unseen water marks off the bar,
giving her reason to not stand and chat. Jackie was actually neither since her
old man had just taken a seat at the end of the bar. I had a feeling the reason
she said that same phrase was to make us that actually were lonely and broke
feel as though we weren't alone.
    I
nodded once as I put the longneck beer up to my lips and let the cool liquid
roll down the back of my throat. This bar was not a happening place. Having
been here since I'm sure the early seventies, it was just a hole in the wall
neighborhood bar that was in walking distance of where most of us lived. There
was no live band, no dancing, and sure as shit no females other than the normal
patrons.
    "How's
work going, Ollie?" Glenn slurred from the other end of the bar. I hadn't
been in here since I had my incident with Hope Saxton. For all these people
knew, I was busy with my other clients and life was going just great.
    "Oh,
you know, got my nose to the grindstone," I joked. Glenn raised his hand
toward Jackie and pointed down to his glass of bourbon that was just about
empty while never taking his eyes off of me. "Ain't that the truth? I
remember those days. Don't no one want to hire someone my age, ‘prolly afraid I'll
keel over and die on ‘em," he finished, laughing at his reality as though
it were a joke.
    He
talked before about his issues with finding a job and he was right, times were
tough here. Recession hit and companies weren't hiring, especially people Glenn's
age. He took it hard, seeking sympathy in the bottle.
    Suddenly,
the jukebox kicked on and played an old Hank Williams song which I took to be a
sign. I picked up my beer and commenced to getting my drink on. The night
continued and the conversation became casual and entertaining. Laughter masked
the signs of gloom and dejection while sounds