Free How To Tell A Story And Other Essays by Mark Twain Page B

thing in the whole story.  If I got it the right length precisely, I
     could spring the finishing ejaculation with effect enough to make some
     impressible girl deliver a startled little yelp and jump out of her seat
     --and that was what I was after.  This story was called “The Golden Arm,”
    and was told in this fashion.  You can practise with it yourself--and
     mind you look out for the pause and get it right.

How To Tell A Story And Other Essays
      THE GOLDEN ARM.
    Once 'pon a time dey wuz a monsus mean man, en he live 'way out in de
     prairie all 'lone by hisself, 'cep'n he had a wife.  En bimeby she died,
    en he tuck en toted her way out dah in de prairie en buried her.  Well,
    she had a golden arm--all solid gold, fum de shoulder down.  He wuz
     pow'ful mean--pow'ful; en dat night he couldn't sleep, Gaze he want dat
     golden arm so bad.
    When it come midnight he couldn't stan' it no mo'; so he git up, he did,
    en tuck his lantern en shoved out thoo de storm en dug her up en got de
     golden arm; en he bent his head down 'gin de win', en plowed en plowed en
     plowed thoo de snow.  Den all on a sudden he stop (make a considerable
     pause here, and look startled, and take a listening attitude) en say:
    “My LAN', what's dat!”
    En he listen--en listen--en de win' say (set your teeth together and
     imitate the wailing and wheezing singsong of the wind), “Bzzz-z-zzz”---
    en den, way back yonder whah de grave is, he hear a voice!  he hear a
     voice all mix' up in de win' can't hardly tell 'em 'part--" Bzzz-zzz--
    W-h-o--g-o-t--m-y--g-o-l-d-e-n arm?  --zzz--zzz-- W-h-o g-o-t m-y g-o-l-
    d-e-n arm!" (You must begin to shiver violently now.)
    En he begin to shiver en shake, en say, “Oh, my!  OH, my lan'!  ”en de
     win' blow de lantern out, en de snow en sleet blow in his face en mos'
    choke him, en he start a-plowin' knee-deep towards home mos' dead, he so
     sk'yerd--en pooty soon he hear de voice agin, en (pause) it 'us comin'
    after him!  “Bzzz--zzz--zzz--W-h-o--g-o-t m-y--g-o-l-d-e-n--arm?”
    When he git to de pasture he hear it agin closter now, en a-comin'!--
    a-comin' back dah in de dark en de storm--(repeat the wind and the
     voice).  When he git to de house he rush up-stairs en jump in de bed en
     kiver up, head and years, en lay dah shiverin' en shakin'--en den way out
     dah he hear it agin! --en a-comin'!  En bimeby he hear (pause--awed,
    listening attitude)--pat--pat--pat --hit's acomin' up-stairs!  Den he
     hear de latch, en he know it's in de room!
    Den pooty soon he know it's a-stannin' by de bed !  (Pause.) Den--he know
     it's a-bendin' down over him--en he cain't skasely git his breath!  Den--
    den--he seem to feel someth' n c-o-l-d, right down 'most agin his head!
    (Pause.)
    Den de voice say, right at his year-- “ W-h-o g-o-t--m-y--g-o-l-d-e-n
     arm?” (You must wail it out very plaintively and accusingly; then you
     stare steadily and impressively into the face of the farthest-gone
     auditor--a girl, preferably --and let that awe-inspiring pause begin to
     build itself in the deep hush.  When it has reached exactly the right
     length, jump suddenly at that girl and yell, “You've got it!”
    If you've got the pause right, she'll fetch a dear little yelp and spring
     right out of her shoes.  But you must get the pause right; and you will
     find it the most troublesome and aggravating and uncertain thing you ever
     undertook.

How To Tell A Story And Other Essays
    MENTAL TELEGRAPHY AGAIN
    I have three or four curious incidents to tell about.  They seem to come
     under the head of what I named “Mental Telegraphy” in a paper written
     seventeen years ago, and published long afterwards. --[The paper entitled
     “Mental Telegraphy,” which originally appeared in Harper's Magazine for
     December, 1893, is included in the volume entitled The American Claimant
     and Other Stories and Sketches.]
    Several years ago I made a campaign on the platform with Mr. George