Free A Parent's Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens by Kate Williams Page A

others overcome their victimhood.

 

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6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
I take excellent care of myself and do a constant self-inventory.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
I stand up for myself willingly.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
I am committed to a level, serene life.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
I choose equals who can return my love and support.
10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
I feel and express my feelings and needs easily. I breathe deeply, and my feelings flow through me.
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
I am gentle with myself and give up perfectionism.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on

 

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to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
I ask only for God's will for me and the strength to carry it out.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
I work the Twelve Step program.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
I actively love myself and my life.
Private Ceremonies, Visible Prayers
Once I wrote a short poem about Rachel and her identification with coyotes. When she was seven, she had a T-shirt with a coyote howling at the moon. She wore this to bed every night and it kept her safe. At the same age, she would make a ring of her stuffed animals around her bed to guard hergray kitty, lion, snakes, bears, and coyote. In the poem I talked about her reluctance to grow up. When she became suicidal I was filled with terror that I had somehow romanticized her childhood

 

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and was holding her there. Had I given her the message not to grow up? I was filled with remorse and regretted ever writing the poem or calling her "Coyote." Then one day when I was shopping, I found a beautiful pair of coyote earrings. I bought them and wore them every day, saying as I put them on in the morning that the spirit of the coyote would call Rachel back to life and be with her into her adulthood. Somehow this was one of the most inspiring prayers I've ever had. It's given me the power to hope.
Traditional Spiritual Practices from Your Heritage
If you are connected to a spiritual tradition or religion, this is a good time to ask yourself which practices could be useful to help you hold on to hope. Is there a community ceremony that focuses on hope? Is there an elder, a spiritual leader, or friend who can pray with you? Is there a ritual for cleansing and healing?
Every religionWestern, African, Asian, American Indianhas ceremonies for forgiveness and healing. Twelve Step programs have a structure for renewal, the Fourth and Fifth Steps. At one point in my work I did this formal process concerning my life as a mother. The effect of the process was very powerful.

 

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Other Sources for Spiritual Renewal
Let yourself relax and think about the informal and unstructured activities that give you the deepest sense of wholeness. Maybe you can take some time to go out of doors and rediscover your sense of serenity. The sky and the earth restore our sense of self-worth and hope. Or take an hour to lie on the floor, listen to your favorite musician, and let yourself think hopeful thoughts. Take the time to visit a friend who restores your sanity, connection, and spirit.

 

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It's a Jungle Out There: Looking at Other Issues
The order that the mind imagines is like a net, or like