Free Confessions of a Transylvanian by Kevin Theis, Ron Fox Page B

big tip-off that we were the lowest rung on the ladder. After all, we were n’ t even under an obligation to bother looking like anyone in particular on the screen. We just had to look like w e’ d fit in with that crowd. We were the Rocky equivalent of wallpaper.
    But the principals? Well. That was another story altogether.
    In case you need one last refresher, here are the main characters in the movie, in no particular order: Brad and Janet (the hapless couple who stumble into this adventure), Riff Raff and Magenta (the servants at the castle), Columbia and Eddie (a groupie and her beloved biker dude), Dr. Scott (a professor), Rocky (the Creation), the Narrator (a narrator) and, of course, the Big Kahuna himself, Dr. Frank-N-Furter. As I said, there were some additional incidental players, like Ralph and Betty Hapschatt (the couple who get married at the top of the film), but the principals were- forever and always- the primary focus.
    This was the varsity squad. And as with any group of A-Listers, you had to earn a spot on that team. I very soon discovered that achieving this goal could take months. Years, even. If it happened at all.
    But back to the costumes: If the Transylvanian s’ outfits were acceptably slapdash (nobody seemed to care if, for example, your suit jacket even matched your pants or gave a flying crap what your buttons said), the principal s’ costumes were subject to a level of exactitude that would have impressed a drill sergeant.
    Obviously, the goal was to look as much like the on-screen character as possible. Janet, up on the screen, walks through the rain in a pink dress and white sweater so, naturally, the goal of our Janet was to find a similar pink dress and white sweater. Sounds easy, right?
    Not quite. Jane t’ s pink dress also had to have a pink gingham collar, feature a gold script “Janet” necklace and had to unzip down the back (let me emphasize: had to unzip down the back). Plus the barrettes. And the collarless white sweater. Not to mention the underwear. Once could write a book about the underwear alone . (In fact, one should.)
    So, while I had spent two minutes, tops, in the thrift store looking for my black suit, young girls aspiring to be up-and-coming Janets would spend months scouring South Florid a’ s second-hand stores for just the right dress, hat and underwear combo. For them, nailing Jane t’ s look precisely was serious business and they did everything they could to look as much like Susan Sarandon as it was possible to look.
    Then there was Brad. Bra d’ s jacket and plaid cummerbund had to be the exact design as the one Barry Bostwick wore. Wha t’ s more, for the approach to the castle, the windbreaker Brad sported in the rainstorm had to match up perfectly, down to the Denton High School patch on the front. Ditto the tighty-whitey underpants revealed in the undressing scene. And, of course, the glasses.
    But for the really, really serious Brads, you also had to have a picture-perfect blue kimono to be worn in the latter half of the film (the post-bedroom scenes). The truly efficient and studious Brads even went so far as to find the exact same pair of socks . (Come to think of it, Brad had a lot of costume changes. Tha t’ s a ton of work for a guy who gets called an asshole all night.)
    The character of Rocky was a breeze, comparatively. All he needed was a pair of skin-tight, gold hot pants. Pretty easy there. But the part also required a nice pair of pectoral muscles as well and let me tell you—those are n’ t easy to find.
    Magenta needed a hot maid outfit but, happily, the y’ re sold everywhere. Sexy maid outfits, it will not surprise you to learn, are very popular. But the trick was: You had to look good in it. Think tha t’ s easy? Try it.
    Riff Raff sported a ripped-up tux jacket—with tails—and a white vest that looked as if you had pulled it out of the wrong end of a rhino. Cool boots were also a big plus. The skull cap was optional, but